


ǐ̸͍n̶͔̆ ̶̢̽w̷͎̽h̴͙͝î̵͖c̷̡̿h̶̳̓ ̶͚̑m̴̘͠ä̴͍n̸̝͗ỹ̷̖ ̶̺̓p̴͖e̸̤̊o̵͉͑p̸͓̃l̶̻̅e̸̹̓ ̴̛̻g̴̻͊e̴̪͝ẗ̸̖́ ̴̝̈́ê̵̖x̸̥̍p̶̥̀ö̵̫s̵̞͌e̸̓͜ḋ̶͙

by itsyagirl_cass



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (the trifecta of terrible), F/F, M/M, and he makes an appearance in chapter 5, christine has a homophobic racist and sexist uncle, squip squad shenanigans, stay frosty and safe my dudes B)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-11-22 18:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 15,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11386386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsyagirl_cass/pseuds/itsyagirl_cass
Summary: i don't know if the title suggests it but this is a chatfic in which--you'll never guess--many people get exposedfull of memes and everyones favorite squip squad (PSA: brooke, chloe, and jenna aren't in these first couple of chapters because i couldn't think of clever names for them when i started, but will be in the chapters from chapter 3 on)





	1. the middle name fiasco part 1

****heere is a special boi:**** i cant believe michael is dead ****

 

**mello:** im literally right next to you wtf **** ****

 

**h** **eere is a special boi:** sometimes i can still hear his voice ****

 

****mello:**** okay what i did wasnt even that bad

 

**heere is a special boi:** um excuse me who are you and why are you in my riends account

 

**mello:** but boyf :(

 

**heere is a special boi:** gasp

 

**heere is a special boi:** yeah no youre still dead to me

 

**jakey d:** your middle name isnt even that bad

 

**heere is a special boi:** EASY FOR YOU TO SAY JACOB FRANCIS DILLINGER-JONES

 

**jakey d:** FUCK YOU JEREMIAH OLIVER HEERE

 

**heere is a special boi:** n O

 

**richie rich:** gjsbfka

 

**Christine:** i read that in heather chandlers voice

 

**Christine:** "nice. but youre still dead to me.... C O R N  N U T S"

 

**heere is a special boi:** if i was heather chandler i literally wouldnt have this problem would i

 

**jakey d:** no

 

**heere is a special boi:** _would i_

**Christine:** no

 

**heere is a special boi:** just because you failed as parents

 

**Christine:** GET THEE TO A PSYCHIATRIST

 

**jakey d:** H E Y  K I D ,  L I S T E N

 

**jakey d:** i dont know the rest of that line :/

 

**Christine:** this just in breaking news: jacob francis dillinger-jones is a fake fan

 

**mello:** aka jake is a fake

 

**Christine:** oh mY GOD

 

**heere is a special boi:** i want to speak with whizzer

 

**jakey d:** speak with whom?

 

**heere is a special boi:** with whizzer

 

**jakey d:** with whizzer

 

**Christine:** with whizzer

 

**heere is a special boi:** w i t h  w h i z z e r

 

**jakey d:** o h  m y  g o d

 

**heere is a special boi:** whizzer do you think i should see a psychiatrist

 

**richie rich:** hahahahahahhaahah. iiim not sure jason

 

**richie rich:**...jjjjjason maybe so

 

**Christine:** _A H E M_

 

**richie rich:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabsolutely jason

 

**heere is a special boi:** okay ill go

 

**richie rich:** he'll go

 

**heere is a special boi:** ill go

 

**Christine:** he'll go

 

**heere is a special boi:** if he comes here

 

**jakey d:** if he comes here

 

**Christine:** he might come here

 

**jakey d:** they don't make house calls??

 

**richie rich:** o h

 

**richie rich:** late for dinner late again late for dinner late again late for dinner late again late for dinner latelatelatelate late for dinner late again late for dinner late again late for dinner late again late for dinner latelatelatelate

 

**jakey d:** whizzer's supposed to always be here. making dinner, set to screw. that's what pretty boys should do. check their hairlines, make the dinner and looooove meeeee

 

**jakey d:** this is going nowhere and fast, whizzer, this little thing that we have will not last. don't feel responsible, after all we're through

 

**richie rich:** im _not_ responsible

 

**jakey d:** life can be wonderful. isn't this wonderful? and this had better come to a stop, whizzer. now, whizzer, ciao whizzer, bend. this had better come to an end

 

**Christine:** i was supposed to make the dinner, make it pretty on his plate. every wife should pull her weight! have it ready, make it tasty and looooove hiiiiiiim

 

**Christine:** this had better come to a stop, doctor, this has been a tragic and horrible flop

 

**mello:** don't feel responsible, after all, it's through

 

**Christine:** who _is_ responsible?

 

**mello:** don't ask me questions, im frightened of questions, but grateful that it's come to a stop, trina. smile, trina, i'll help you mend

 

**richie rich:** and this is where we're gonna stop because this is becoming slightly boring

 

**heere is a special boi:** i guess you could say

 

**mello:** D O N T

 

**heere is a special boi:** _that this had better come to a stop_

 

**mello:** im fucking leaving you

 

**jakey d:** get a room smh

 

**jakey d:** WAIT FUCK

**jakey d:** for a minute i didn't see the word "leaving" in there so i read that as "im fucking you"

 

**mello:** yeah i noticed lol

 

**heere is a special boi:** jake ya nasty

 

**richie rich:** yes, yes he is

 

**jakey d:** rich don't you dare

 

**richie rich:** hes pretty, uh

 

**jakey d:** DONT

 

**richie rich:** (jared kleinman voice) kINKY

 

**jakey d:** LAKNGLK

 

**mello:** I CANT TELL IF YALL ARE KIDDING AKJNVLK

 

**heere is a special boi:** NO I THINK THEYRE SERIOUS

 

**richie rich:** IM BEING COMPLETELY SERIOUS

 

**jakey d:** unfortunately

 

**Christine:** Jake. Sweaty. I'm disowning you.

 

**mello:** oh ew the grammar hurts my eyes

 

**Christine:** i had to use it for effect but im better now

 

**mello:** good

 

**heere is a special boi:** jake please see a psychiatrist

 

**jakey d:** lakdnlaksd


	2. the middle name fiasco part 2 (kind of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second installment of middle name exposing

**mello:** jeremy i know you just didnt do what i think you just did

 

**heere is a special boi:** ahaha. revenge is a dish best served cold.

 

**mello:** YOU EXPOSED ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE

 

**heere is a special boi:** YOU DID THE SAME TO ME SO FUCK OFF WITH THAT

 

**mello:** N O

 

**heere is a special boi:** BINCH

 

**jakey d:** michael benjamin mell

 

**mello:** CAN YOU NOT

 

**Christine:** holy shit yall are exposing each other left and right

 

**heere is a special boi:** left and roiiiiight intothenews

 

**mello:** im breaking up with you

 

**heere is a special boi:** i would break up with me too tbh

 

**jakey d:** is this self-hate im sensing

 

**heere is a special boi:** no, really? i never wouldve guessed that i hate myself, wow.

 

**jakey d:** take your sass and put it in your pocket

 

**heere is a special boi:** im smol but i will fite

 

**jakey d:** false

 

**mello:** false

 

**Christine:** false

 

**richie rich:** mega false

 

**heere is a special boi:** okay fine

 

**heere is a special boi:** im *weak but i will fite

 

**jakey d:** tru

 

**mello:** tru

 

**Christine:** tru

 

**richie rich:** mega tru

 

**heere is a special boi:** :/

 

**mello:** what, would you rather have me call you my stronk boi

 

**heere is a special boi:** dear god no

 

**jakey d:** that's kinkier than i am

 

**richie rich:** F UCK

 

**Christine:** i hate this family

 

**mello:** we lov you christine

 

**mello:** *love

 

**heere is a special boi:** we lov the cronch too

 

**mello:** stop

 

**Christine:** i didn't raise you like this

 

**heere is a special boi:** you didn't raise me at all

 

**mello:** ohh shiiit

 

**jakey d:** oh damn he really went in. ok

 

**richie rich:** jer we need to talk about this pent-up aggression

 

**heere is a special boi:** you,,, sound like a therapist,,,, stop it

 

**richie rich:** you cant see it but im dabbing out of existence

 

**heere is a special boi:** saaaame

 

**mello:** i relate on a spiritual level

 

**jakey d:** how many dabs does it take to dab out of existence? the world may never know

 

**Christine:** " **Christine:** i didn't raise you like this" bringing this back, kiddos

 

**mello:** you said that like a minute ago

 

**Christine:** ,,,,,im fully aware of that, michael

 

**mello:** cool just makin sure

 

**heere is a special boi:** anyway i love all of my friends

 

**richie rich:** A W

 

**jakey d:** ,,,,,,what do you want from us

 

**heere is a special boi:** nothing, i just feel bad for snapping at christine

 

**mello:** this isn't a verbal conversation what the fuck, you technically cant snap at someone over text

 

**heere is a special boi:** michael im gonna have to ask you to take your sass? and put it in your pocket

 

**Christine:** i thought it was just a joke?? i didn't see it as a snap at all, jer, and we love you too!

 

**heere is a special boi:** g ood

 

**richie rich:** when did this turn into a feels chat

 

**richie rich:** and when can it stop

 

**jakey d:** if you stop the feels right now, we'll even throw in a set of... steak knives!

 

**mello:** ALL-AME RICAN

 

**Christine:** have you heeeard of the all-american prophet

 

**richie rich:** i veto this

 

**jakey d:** i dont

 

**jakey d:** please continue

 

**mello:** i actually don't know the song that well

 

**Christine:** ^^^

 

**richie rich:** also jeremy are you crying

 

**heere is a special boi:** nah my typing is just a mess and im too lazy to fix it

 

**heere is a special boi:** you'd be able to tell if i was crying

 

**mello:** my spidey senses would be tingling

 

**jakey d:** you big nerd

 

**mello:** yes that's me

 

**Christine:** texas crematorium you kill em we grill em

 

**richie rich:** OALSNKFV


	3. the middle name fiasco part 3 (+additional memes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the third installment of the middle name saga

 

**mello** has started a new conversation.

**mello** has added **pink** , **berry** , and **rolan on the floor laughin** to the conversation.

 

**mello:** give me the middle names of everyone you know

 

**pink:** oh, antisocial headphones kid. i have a masterlist, hang on

 

**berry:** don't be mean, chloe! you know michael.

 

**pink:** yes i do

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i have a masterlist too but you probably have some i don't

 

**pink:** okay here it is

 

**pink:** jeremy: oliver

michael: benjamin

jake: francis

rich: alexander

christine: allison

jenna: katherine

brooke: ashley

me: elizabeth

madeline (ew): heather

dustin: william

 

**pink:** and that's all i have

 

**mello:** i like how you included madeline and dustin even though none of us talk to them

 

**pink:** ugh i hate madeline. but she hates her middle name so i mean. blackmail material (which i'll never use). and dustin is just there because i technically have more names than that but most of them are people you guys don't even know. those two just wound up in what i sent because im hella lazy :/

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i didn't know dustin's middle name was william oh my god

 

**berry:** i didn't think you remembered my middle name!

 

**pink:** ,,,,i lied

 

**mello:** i should probably add yall to our other chat huh

 

**pink:** what other chat

 

**berry:** theres another chat?

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** sign me the fUCK up

 

\-----

 

**mello** has added **pink** , **berry** , and **rolan on the floor laughin** to the conversation.

 

****heere is a special boi:**** Godfrey and Sons Funeral Home. How may we assist you in your time of need?

 

****berry:****...

 

**pink:** no offence but what the fuck jeremy

 

**heere is a special boi:** Joe's Taxidermy, you snuff 'em we stuff 'em, how may I help you?

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** im screenshotting all of this for future use

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** these are gold

 

**heere is a special boi:** Bill's Mule Farm, head ass speaking. How may I assist you?

 

**berry:** OH MY GOD MY DAD USED TO SAY THAT

 

**heere is a special boi:** Bob's Unusually Sourced Pig Feed Emporium, you chop 'em, we'll slop 'em.

 

**pink:** michael why

 

**mello:** i don't know

 

**mello:** hes not usually like this

 

**jakey d:** im almost scared. key word: almost.

 

**heere is a special boi:** Bob's Ambulance, you maul 'em we haul 'em.

 

**richie rich:** w hy

 

**heere is a special boi:** Psychic Pizza. $14.83. About thirty minutes.

 

**pink:** jeremy what the actual fuck

 

**Christine:** just let it run its course

 

**heere is a special boi:** Satan's Den, what in the Hell do you want?

 

**heere is a special boi:** Clancy's Mortuary: we carry out all we undertake.

 

**heere is a special boi:** You've reached Acme Industrial Dog Washers. Now offering bulk rates for sixty collies or more.

 

**heere is a special boi:** Psychic Hotline, you have the wrong number.

 

**heere is a special boi:** This is Verizon Wireless Technical Support speaking, did you try turning it off and back on again?

 

**Christine:** are you done now

 

**heere is a special boi:** yes

 

**pink:** what the fuck

 

**heere is a special boi:** i started and then i couldn't stop

 

**heere is a special boi:** half of those were copied from reddit

 

**berry:**....okay then

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** please tell me this is a normal occurrence

 

**mello:** unfortunately, no

 

**richie rich:** god i wish it was

 

**jakey d:** same

 

**heere is a special boi:** i just want to apologize in advance for anything that may happen in this chat

 

**mello:** wow okay, we aren't that bad :/

 

**heere is a special boi:** false

 

**richie rich:** jeremy doesn't love us :(

 

**heere is a special boi:** I NEVER SAID THAT

 

**jakey d:** you didn't have to :(

 

**Christine:** :(

 

**mello:** :(

 

**pink:** :(

 

**berry:** :(

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** :(

 

**heere is a special boi:** IMS ORRY

 

**richie rich:** it was a joke my guy :)

 

**heere is a special boi:** i hate you all

 

**heere is a special boi:** those were the worst 30 seconds of my life

 

**richie rich:** ,,,,you sure about that

 

**heere is a special boi:** Completely Sure. and i know what youre implying and i Don't like it

 

**richie rich:** this is biphobia

 

**heere is a special boi:** im bi too :/

 

**richie rich:** ,,,,,,,this is richophobia

 

**mello:** this is michaphobia

 

**jakey d:** this is jakaphobia

 

**Christine:** this is christiphobia

 

**pink:** this is chlophobia

 

**berry:** this is broophobia

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** this is jenaphobia

 

**heere is a special boi:** this is jerephobia

 

**richie rich:** W OW

 


	4. im sorry in advance for anything that happens in this story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this just in breaking news boyf riends and richjake have combined into one mega ship (aka they're poly as hell)

**rolan on the floor laughin:** im bored who has gossip

 

 **pink:** god i wish i did

 

 **berry:** isn't gossiping kinda mean tho??

 

 **pink:** youre not wrong

 

 **pink:** but _im_ kinda mean

 

 **pink:** so yeah

 

 **mello:** can confirm

 

 **Christine:** michael don't be an asshole

 

 **mello:** IM ALWAYS LIKE THIS

 

 **Christine:** while that may be true, i am the mom friend, so im gonna have to ask you to apologize

 

 **mello:** sorry chloe

 

 **pink:** i said it first lol its all good red

 

 **mello:**...red?

 

 **pink:** youre red

 

 **pink:** jeremy is blue

 

 **pink:** yknow

 

 **pink:** red gay and blue gay

 

 **heere is a special boi:** ohm ygso

 

 **richie rich:** why is jeremy choking

 

 **richie rich:** oH

 

 **richie rich:** LMAO

 

 **mello:** is he alive

 

 **richie rich:** yeah hes good now

 

 **jakey d:** i was going to say something but on second thought, michael would murder me in my sleep

 

 **jakey d:** so i wont

 

 **mello:** y e p : )

 

 **berry:** im so lost rn

 

 **mello:** youre indeed so lohst rn

 

 **berry:**....i

 

 **berry** has left the chat.

 

 **pink:** ialkfn

 

 **pink** has added **berry** to the chat.

 

 **mello:** ONE OF US

 

 **jakey d:** ONE OF US

 

 **richie rich:** ONE OF US

 

 **heere is a special boi:** ONE OF US

 

 **Christine:** ONE OF US

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** ONE OF US

 

 **pink:** ONE OF US

 

 **berry:** YIKES WHAT THE HELL

 

 **mello:** back to your regularly scheduled programming

 

 **berry:** you people scare me

 

 **heere is a special boi:** i don't know if i should be offended or honored

 

 **jakey d:** ^^^

 

 **mello:** i, personally, am honored

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** same

 

 **Christine:** i don't know what im feeling anymore

 

 **pink:** big mood

 

 **mello:** me constantly

 

 **jakey d:** we are not bringing back the feels chat

 

 **heere is a special boi:** JOES ROADKILL GRILL YOU STAB EM WE SLAB EM

 

 **berry:** is this your coping mechanism or something??

 

 **heere is a special boi:** IM TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD OK I DONT WANT US ALL TO BE SAD RN

 

 **berry:** understandable

 

 **mello:** understandable, have a nice day

 

 **heere is a special boi:** olsdnef

 

 **jakey d:** IM STEALING YOUR BOYFRIEND HES MINE NOW SORRY I DONT MAKE THE RULES

 

 **richie rich:** fine i'll just run off with jeremy

 

 **heere is a special boI:** ok

 

 **mello:** cool

 

 **berry:** what even is this chat

 

 **pink:** i don't know

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** ive given up on trying to understand these people

 

 **mello:** hey @jake n rich n boyf

 

 **mello:** wouldn't it be lit if we were all dating eachother

 

 **jakey d:**....shit

 

 **richie rich:** ARE YOU FR

 

 **mello:** does it look like im kidding? lol

 

 **heere is a special boi:** ,,,,we could _try_

 

 **heere is a special boi:** i mean all of us are kinda a mess so idk how well that would work but,,,, ok

 

 **jakey d:** yeet

 

 **richie rich:** IM HELLA DOWN

 

 **mello:** well okay then

 

 **mello:** that was easy

 

 **Christine:** I WAS MAKIGN FOOD BUT !!!!!!! Y A L L

 

 **Christine:** HOLY SHIT

 

 **Christine:** YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH

 

 **heere is a special boi:** CHRISITNE DO TN

 

 **Christine** has sent the file  **hes_dying.png**.

 

 **heere is a special boi:** BREAKING NEWS LOCAL BISEXUAL HAS DELETED HIMSELF FROM EXISTENCE

 

 **jakey d:** oh this is the cutest fucking thing

 

 **richie rich:** "ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT THE DUDES REALLY DO LOVE THE REAL RICHARD GORANSKI AND IM ONE OF THOSE DUDES FUCK" ALKFNDSVLK

 

 **mello:** chloe if you expose me rn i swear to god

 

 **pink:** hmm,,,,,,

 

 **mello:** c hloe

 

 **pink:** h m m , , , , , , , , ,

 

 **mello:** please im beg

 

 **pink** has sent the file **michaelwhy.png**.

 

 **mello:** FUCKING

 

 **richie rich:** o hmy fohsbanvs'

 

 **heere is a special boi:** END ME

 

 **mello:** BIG MOOD

 

 **jakey d:** W OW

 

 **mello:** DONT YOU SAY A WORD

 

 **jakey d:** THIS IS ADORABLE

 

 **richie rich:** IM SCREMIGN

 

 **richie rich:** BROOKE AND JENNA I HAVE FAITH IN YOU TO NOT

 

 **berry:** i mean i kinda have to

 

 **berry:** sorry in advance

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** same

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** gotta watch yall get exposed amiright

 

 **berry** has sent the file **myboirich_has_a_mcfuckincrush.png**.

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **i_cant_believe_jake_died.png**.

 

 **jakey d:** oh man thank fuck you only sent one screenshot from that conversation

 

 **jakey d:** that's the least embarrassing one too yeet

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** oh you thought i was done?

 

 **jakey d:** NO

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **jake_no.png**.

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **JAKEYD_ISABOUTTO_JAKEYSCREAM.png**.

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** and my personal favorite

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **JAKE_IS_DECEASED.png**.

 

 **jakey d:** im ending my existence guys later

 

 **jakey d:** it was nice knowing yalk

 

 **mello:** yalk

 

 **heere is a special boi:** yalk

 

 **richie rich:** yalk

 

 **jakey d:** lskdnc

 

 **mello:** so it turns out all of us are gay and nerds and very in love who knew

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** i did

 

 **jakey d:** of course you did lmao

 

 **richie rich:** jake i cant believe jenna had that many screenshots of you screaming about jeremy

 

 **heere is a special boi:** WAIT HE WAS TALKING ABOIUT ME THAT WHOLE TIME WHAT

 

 **heere is a special boi:** IAOSDNCLK

 

 **richie rich:** LMAO

 

 **jakey d:** E ND ME

 

 **mello:** yknow i would if i wasn't dating you now

 

 **jakey d:** oh shit

 

 **jakey d:** you right

 

 **richie rich:** hey so remember when i thought i was straight

 

 **mello:** no

 

 **heere is a special boi:** kinda

 

 **jakey d:** you may have thought you were straight but i never did

 

 **richie rich:** FUCKINF

 

 **richie rich:** ANYWAY

 

 **richie rich:** I FOUDN OUT I WAS BI BECAUSE OF MICHAEL

 

 **mello:** ,,,,you what

 

 **richie rich:** yyyyyeah

 

 **heere is a special boi:** oh hey i remember that (k i n d a)

 

 **richie rich:** yeah

 

 **mello:** im dyin scoob

 

 **pink:** awww

 

 **berry:** awww

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** ewww

 

 **Christine:** awww

 

 **jakey d:** j enna oml

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** yall are making me sick

 

 **mello:** ialncanvs

 

 **heere is a special boi:** wow. you killed him. congratulations.

 

 **jakey d:** would you like a fucking cookie

 

 **richie rich:** we got a special snowflake over here

 

 **Christine:** aldnsv

 

 **heere is a special boi:** oh we've killed christine now too. fucking wonderful.

 

 **berry:** Y ALL ARE WILD

 

 **richie rich:** i mean me and jer aren't. jake is. we aren't sure about michael.

 

 **jakey d:** LI STEN

 

 **jakey d:** I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM A VIRGIN(TM) SO NO ONE KNOWS IF IM WILD OR NOT

 

 **richie rich:** sure jan

 

 **heere is a special boi:** that sounds fake but ok

 

 **richie rich:** team bi back at it again with the memes

 

 **heere is a special boi:** you know what they say

 

 **heere is a special boi:** great bis think alike

 

 **mello:** can indeed confirm that you are both great bis

 

 **heere is a special boi:** wait omg

 

 **heere is a special boi** has changed their name to **heere is a special bi**.

 

 **heere is a special bi:** YE S

 

 **mello:** i support this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,,,listen,,,,,,,,,,, i had to ok
> 
> let me live please


	5. 4th of july binches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for Christine's uncle (the trifecta of terrible: homophobic, racist, and sexist)

**mello:** this just in rich is extremely cute

　

**richie rich:** u kno it B)

　

**heere is a special bi:** i love you but never do that again

　

**richie rich:**!!!

　

**mello:** I SUPPORT THIS DEVELOPMENT

　

**richie rich:** SO DO I OML LOVE YOU TOO

　

**jakey d:** who killed jeremy

　

**jakey d:** ohhhh

　

**jakey d:** ok

　

**Christine:** klavalskd

　

**mello:** christine i feel like your mood constantly is just keyboard smashing

　

**Christine:** you wouldnt be wrong lol

　

**jakey d:** okay but hes actually dying

　

**richie rich:** michael get your shit together

　

**richie rich:** we're goin over there

　

**heere is a special bi:** DO NOT

　

**mello:** too late B)

　

**jakey d:** michael,,,,, no

　

**Christine:** there are people at my house what the fuck

　

**Christine:** oh god its my one annoying-ass uncle

　

**heere is a special bi:** do you need assistance

　

**Christine:** i dont want to take you away from jake :(

　

**heere is a special bi:** jake better Understand that This Uncle Sucks Ass

　

**jakey d:** how bad can he be

　

**Christine:** UM

　

**Christine:** HOMOPHOBIC

　

**Christine:** RACIST

　

**Christine:** SEXIST

　

**Christine:** THE TRIFECTA OF TERRIBLE

　

**jakey d:** OH NO

　

**Christine:** YEAH

　

**heere is a special bi:** do i need to go pretend to be your boyfriend??

　

**Christine:** yep

　

**Christine:** he's asking about you

　

**pink:**???

　

**berry:** what even

　

**heere is a special bi:** the last time her uncle was there was when we were still dating

　

**heere is a special bi:** and uh quite frankly i dont want christine to die

　

**Christine:** aw thanks

　

**mello:** we're dating an angel :')

　

**jakey d:** shit u rite

　

**heere is a special bi:** alright gotta fuckinnnnn blast

　

**richie rich:** can i get a fuckinuhhhhhh

　

**berry:** this sounds like a recipe for disaster,,,,

　

**Christine:** "so hows that boyfriend of yours" "...boyfriend?" "that jeremy kid, how is he" "o h um yeah hes okay, hes on his way to visit his aunt right now so he'll just be stopping in to say hi on the way there" "oh good, i always thought he was good for you. didnt want you turning out to be a lesbian or something" hahaaaaaaa riiiiiight

　

**jakey d:** im hate

　

**mello:** same

　

**richie rich:** same

　

**heere is a special bi:** same

　

**pink:** same

　

**berry:** same

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** sorry i was helping my little cousins not blow their fingers up on the fireworks but same

　

**Christine:** "that would be a nasty surprise, christine, we'd have to find you some help" "....right, wouldnt want to turn out like that, would i" i hate myself, suddenly

　

**heere is a special bi:** im gonna vague him

　

**mello:** YES

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** DO IT

　

**heere is a special bi:** i can see it now

　

**heere is a special bi:** "how are you, son" "oh im good, how are you, sir" "im doing well, thanks" "so, last month was pride month, huh" "...excuse me" "haha yeah glad i dont know any homophobic people, that would be unfortunate. anyway i should get going, bye"

　

**jakey d:** i would tell you not to but let me catch up to you, i wanna see this with my own eyes

　

**Christine:** noah fence jake but that would be hard to explain

　

**jakey d:** damn u rite

　

**heere is a special bi:** dw i'll turn on my voice recorder app i gotchu

　

**jakey d:** im blessed

　

**mello:** ^^^

　

**Christine:** im going to stab this man with a fucking sparkler

　

**Christine:** "you keep looking at your phone, are you texting that boyfriend of yours" "....haha yeah kind of, im actually texting in a group chat" "who all is in this.... 'group chat'" "oh just some friends from school" "interesting. do i know them?" "probably not" "well i should meet them sometime" LIKE NO YOU SHOULDNT THEYRE ALL DATING EACH OTHER AND GAY

　

**Christine:** MY FRIENDOS DONT DESERVE YOUR BULLSHIT

　

**jakey d:** im hating him more every time you message us with what hes saying

　

**mello:** i relate

　

**pink:** mega same

　

**berry:** ^^^

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** im gonna shove one of the firework cones up his ass and light it

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** fuck the system

　

**Christine:**.....holy shit

　

**richie rich:** same

　

**heere is a special bi:** i can see your house christine its about to go down

　

**mello:** "mind your dAMN MOTHER FUCKIN BUSINESS BITCH. LITTLE STUPID BITCH. 2+2 NOT KNOWIN WHAT THE FUCK IT ISSS BITCH"

　

**heere is a special bi:** if things get bad i might say that

　

**jakey d:** if things get bad call for backup tf

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** dont die

　

**heere is a special bi:** your not my mom lol

　

**richie rich:** jer was the kinky one all along

　

**heere is a special bi:** N O E W

　

**mello:** jeremy @ christines uncle: are we gonna have a problem. do you got a bone to pick.

　

**pink:** JER I DARE YOU TO

　

**heere is a special bi:** I DONT HAVE A DEATH WISH, IM JUST GONNA VAGUE HIM AND THEN LEAVE

　

**jakey d:** yeah please dont die

　

**richie rich:** that would be an unfortunate development

　

**heere is a special bi:** yyyyyeah

　

**heere is a special bi:** anyway im about to ring the doorbell and hit record, its about to go down

　

\---5 minutes later---

　

**heere is a special bi:** HOLY. SHIT.

　

**Christine:** HOLY FUCKING SHIT

　

**jakey d:** oh lord

　

**heere is a special bi:** HE WAS SO FUCKINF ANGRY

　

**Christine:** LMAO IM CANCELLING HIS EXISTENCE

　

**mello:** WHAT HAPPENED OML

　

**heere is a special bi** has sent the file **okwow.mp3**.

　

\-----

_"Hello sir, how are you doing?"_

_"Oh I'm doing just fine, son, thank you for asking. How are you?"_

_"I'm doing pretty good. Last month was pride month so I'm still pretty excited from that."_

_"...pardon, Jeremy?"_

_"Yeah, I'm glad I don't know any homophobic assholes. That would really suck."_

_"What are you implying?"_

_"Oh, nothing. I'm just saying that, hypothetically, if I were to meet a homophobe, I don't think I would ever see them in a positive light."_

_"I, for one, don't support gay ri--"_

_"I know. That's the fucking point."_

_"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE--"_

_"No offence, but make me."_

_"Why you--"_

_"Haha, anyway, I shouldn't keep my aunt waiting, my cousins are texting me. I gotta go. Goodbye!"_

\-----

　

**mello:**.......oh my god

　

**jakey d:** JE REMY

　

**berry:** YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN

　

**pink:** DUUUDE

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** I CANT BELIEVE YOU EXIST WTF

　

**heere is a special bi:** I STARTED AND I COULDNT STOP OKAY

　

**Christine:** HES TELLING ME TO BREAK UP WITH YOU

　

**Christine:** LIKE NOAH FENCE BUT WE MUTUALLY CALLED IT OFF BINCH

　

**richie rich:** ARE YOU OKAY OML

　

**heere is a special bi:** WHICH ONE OF US LOL

　

**richie rich:** BOTH

　

**Christine:** IVE NEVER BEEN BETTER

　

**heere is a special bi:** I CANT BELIEVE I FUCKINF DID THST

　

**jakey d:** NEITHER CAN I

　

**jakey d:** GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE SO I CAN CUDDLE YOU UNTIL I DIE

　

**heere is a special bi:** LOL OK

　

**richie rich:** ME N MICHAEL ARE COMING TOO OML

　

**mello:** YEET

　

**Christine:** he's still really mad but its hilarious now

　

**Christine:** my dad just goes "he had a point" "excuse me" "yeah youre kind of an asshole" "you are my brother, how could you" "i mean. i appreciate honesty"

　

**heere is a special bi:** lkdsnva

　

**Christine:** "i also appreciate honesty but i cant believe you would let someone like that into your household" "i could say the same about people like you" and my mom goes "well, shit"

　

**pink:** i cannot rn

　

**Christine:** same but i cant laugh bc i dont want to get megaroasted

　

**heere is a special bi:** i cant believe i ruined your dads relationship with his brother aoilsdnvca

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** jeremy heere: professional life ruiner

　

**jakey d:** oalvnalsf

　

**berry:** ruining the lives of terrible people since 2017

　

**heere is a special bi:** jeremy's life ruining service how may i help you

　

**pink:** i would use the fuck outta that service

　

**Christine:** my mom aosdkvna

　

**Christine:** so hes about to leave right bc we fucking humiliated him

　

**Christine:** and as shes closing the door she goes "oh and by the way, christine and jeremy broke up a month ago. we support all rights in this household. have a nice goddamn life you piece of shit, never step foot in here again"

　

**heere is a special bi:** klasdnval

　

**heere is a special bi:** tfw your mom is more savage than i am

　

**Christine:** shes more savage than ill ever be oml

　

**jakey d:** wHY IS SHE SO ALSKDMVL

　

**Christine:** I DONT KNOW

　

**jakey d:** IM YELLIN

　

**Christine:** SAME


	6. back to your regularly scheduled gays-- uh i mean programming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the poly ship will now be known as Maximum Gay Overdrive, as said by Aurelianna on the last real chapter, shoutout to them!
> 
> this is set a day after the last chapter (so its july 5)
> 
> also theres a store in my town that has a mountain dew ripoff called hillbilly holler and i just,,,,, why
> 
> fun fact: the phrase "mountain dew" was outlawed in their little group after the squip incident for obvious reasons, and that's why they will always exclusively say mello yello now. even then, they say mello yello only if they really have to. (michael's chat name is an exception because its a pun and they all really love puns)

**Christine:** hey jeremy

　

 **heere is a special bi:** wot

　

 **Christine:** rememberrrrr

　

 **Christine** has sent the file **boyf_riends.png**.

　

 **Christine:** this?

　

 **heere is a special boi:** CHRISTINE I TRUSTED YOU

　

 **Christine:** that was your first mistake

　

 **mello:** oh my god

　

 **jakey d:** im love

　

 **richie rich:** ^^^

　

 **pink:** this is disgusting. im gonna get diabetes

　

 **berry:** ^^^

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** im saving every screenshot that has been sent in this chat as of today. for,,,, reasons

　

 **mello:** good luck exposing me @whoever i messaged about jeremy

　

 **berry:** ohohohoh

　

 **mello:** fuck

　

 **mello:** I WAS KIDDING

　

 **mello:** DO NOT

　

 **berry:** too late

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_1.png**.

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_2.png**.

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_3.png**.

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_4.png**.

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_5.png**.

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_6.png**.

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_7.png**.

　

 **berry** has sent the file **whyme_8.png**.

　

 **mello:** wow the titles of the files. im feeling the love, brooke.

　

 **berry:** g o o d

　

 **heere is a special bi:** MICHAEL WAS GOING TO SCREAM BUT NOW _IM_ GOING TO FUCKING SCREAM

　

 **jakey d:** hes not lying

　

 **berry:** haha

　

 **berry:** i'd say i was successful

　

 **heere is a special bi:** YOURE DEAD TO ME ADLSNCA IM SO !!!!! NOW

　

 **mello:** big mood

　

 **jakey d:** this is the cutest shit

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** ohohohoh are you sure

　

 **jakey d:** _dont_

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **heere_we_go_again.png**.

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** shit wrong one uno momento

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **jakeyd_morelike_jakey_yeethimselfoffabuilding.png**.

　

 **heere is a special bi:** HOW DID YOU GET THAT FUCKING SCREENSHOT

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** you

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** _you texted me jeremy, how else would i get it_

　

 **heere is a special bi:** I THOUGHT I WAS TEXTING CHLOE

　

 **pink:** oh sweetie no

　

 **heere is a special bi:** JENNA WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SMTH

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** the receipts, duh

　

 **pink:** i wouldve taken receipts too,,,,,

　

 **heere is a special bi:** I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY

　

 **heere is a special bi:** also

　

 **heere is a special bi:** heere theere?? really????

　

 **berry:** AW MAN WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** i was gonna put "heere theere everywheere" but it wouldnt let me, too many characters ya feel

　

 **heere is a special bi:** the only person allowed to make puns out of my name is me

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** too late lmao im never changing this name

　

 **heere is a special bi:** ,,,ok

　

 **mello:** can we take a moment to appreciate jake yelling "IM GAY IM SO FUCKING GAY" bc i relate on so many levels

　

 **richie rich:** im not crying

　

 **jakey d:**!!

　

 **richie rich:** okay yeah im gross sobbing over here

　

 **richie rich:** i love you too!!!!!!!

　

 **jakey d:** F UCK

　

 **jakey d:** ALL I CAN SAY IS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

　

 **pink:** fuck this is adorable

　

 **berry:** ^^^

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** i have more receipts hang on

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **dick_goranski_gets_exposed.png**.

　

 **mello:** fuc k

　

 **mello:** hi im gay nice to meet you

　

 **pink:** fucking same

　

 **berry:** i relate on so many levels

　

 **richie rich:** LAKNDVAL

　

 **richie rich:** OUT OF EVERYTHING YOU COULDVE SENT, YOU CHOSE ONE OF THE MOST EMBARRASSING ONES

　

 **heere is a special bi:** "one of" ohohohohohoh

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** there are some about you too, dont think youve escaped yet

　

 **heere is a special bi:** ,,,,,,from me or _about_ me, bc theres a drastic difference in my levels of embarrassment then

　

 **heere is a special bi:** like expose me all you want but the second i get a compliment thats it im dead later guys see you in hell

　

 **mello:** LASNDLVAN "SEE YOU IN HELL"

　

 **heere is a special bi:** yep

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** yknow i _was_ gonna expose you but now im searching for more screenshots of people complimenting you lmao rip in pieces

　

 **heere is a special bi:** DO NOT

　

 **heere is a special bi:** JENNA I AM NOT AFRAID TO LEAVE THIS GODDAMN CHAT

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** you cant tell but i just dabbed

　

 **mello:** jenna,,,, no,,,,,, dabbing is so old now,,,,,,,,

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** okay i found one

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin** has sent the file **mello_yello_is_gay.png**.

　

 **mello:** "mello yello" i get it. i see you, jenna

　

 **mello:** and i raise you

　

 **mello:** _"hillbilly holler"_

　

 **heere is a special bi:** i refuse to look at that screenshot but

　

 **heere is a special bi:** what the fuck is hillbilly holler

　

 **mello:** some store-brand mello yello ripoff

　

 **pink:** who was in charge of naming it and why did they do such a terrible job of it

　

 **mello:** i have no idea

　

 **mello:** i dont even remember what store that was

　

 **heere is a special bi:** okay i gotta know what the screenshot says im gonna die but yeah ok

　

 **berry:** good luck

　

 **mello:** i dont know which one it is either yet

　

 **mello:** WAIT

　

 **mello:** JENNA NO YOURE GONNA GIVE HIM A HEART ATTACK

　

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** i meannnnnn

　

 **heere is a special bi:** IM DEAS I KNEW IT WOULS KILL ME BUT IM FUCKINF DESD SCOOB

　

 **jakey d:** you can tell he's dead because thats,,,,, far more typos than he usually makes

　

 **richie rich:** michael where you at rn

　

 **mello:** at home???

　

 **richie rich:** omw

　

 **mello:** ,,,ok


	7. no, michael, rich and jeremy are n o t okay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> featuring: rich and jeremy sharing an existential crisis. that's it. that's the whole chapter.
> 
> i would've finished this chapter earlier but all of the existential questions got me thinking so i had to sleep it off

**richie rich:** do you ever just contemplate existence

　

**heere is a special bi:** dont have an existential crisis without me wtf

　

**richie rich:** t o o l a t e

　

**heere is a special bi:** OMW

　

**mello:** welp

　

**pink:** why are you all so depressing

　

**richie rich:** *yall

　

**pink:** no

　

**pink:** did i fuckin stutter

　

**jakey d:** this isnt a verbal conversation, you cant stutter

　

**pink:** b-but jake

　

**jakey d:** fuck that shit

　

**mello:** kasndc

　

**berry:** you wanna say that again, jake?

　

**jakey d:** nope

　

**berry:** thats what i thought : )

　

**Christine:** what has this chat devolved to

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i dont even know anymore

　

\--later, at 2AM--

　

**heere is a special bi:** why are we here

　

**heere is a special bi:** what is our purpose

　

**richie rich:** what happens when we die without doing anything with our lives

　

**richie rich:** why do we endure this pointless existence and then die without leaving a mark

　

**heere is a special bi:** what are we supposed to do with our lives

　

**richie rich:** why does the world exist the way we know it

　

**heere is a special bi:** what is the meaning of life

　

**richie rich:** what is my greater purpose. how should i live my life

　

**heere is a special bi:** is there a god, and if so, why has he abandoned us

　

**richie rich:** what if our lives are all just a part of a tv show, and we're meant to believe that these lives we lead are all real but theyre only for someone else's enjoyment

　

**mello:** holy shit

　

**heere is a special bi:** is life worth living if everything we do will eventually disappear

　

**richie rich:** can a person live without hope

　

**heere is a special bi:** why is there something rather than nothing

　

**richie rich:** who created the universe, and who or what created the person who created the universe

　

**jakey d:** you guys are scaring me

　

**mello:** same

　

**heere is a special bi:** how do we measure the worth of a human life

　

**jakey d:** ~~five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes~~

　

**richie rich:** how can we have healthy relationships with everyone we know

　

**heere is a special bi:** what is our biggest mistake

　

**richie rich:** will we be punished for our sins

　

**heere is a special bi:** how do we know if we're doing the right thing

　

**richie rich:** are we in control of our lives

　

**heere is a special bi:** whats the most important moment of our short, fleeting lives

　

**richie rich:** is one life enough to accomplish what we need to

　

**heere is a special bi:** is there life after death

　

**richie rich:** are we all ever truly equal or is that just a social construct

　

**heere is a special bi:** what is time

　

**richie rich:** why do we take life for granted

　

**heere is a special bi:** what do we need in this world

　

**richie rich:** is life unfair

　

**heere is a special bi:** do people ever really change or is more of their true nature simply exposed to the world as we know it

　

**richie rich:** is there something more to this empty life

　

**heere is a special bi:** do we need to be saved

　

**richie rich:** what should be humanity's goal

　

\--5 minutes later--

　

**mello:** are you guys okay

　

**richie rich:** no

　

**heere is a special bi:** what does it mean to be okay

　

**jakey d:** we are NOT going back to the questions

　

**mello:** you should both go to sleep

　

**mello:** why the fuck am i even awake rn

　

**mello:** _i_ should go to sleep

　

**jakey d:** dont leave me to deal with both of our boyfriends going through a crisis you asshole

　

**mello:** fineeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry if this chapter gave any of you an existential crisis while reading it lol


	8. lmao i forgot to title this one woops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so jake (maybe michael too???? could be seen either way bc in the original draft it was both) gets hit on in this chapter but its mentioned for like... a brief time at the end, maybe 5-8 messages at most, possibly more if i overestimated my memory
> 
> chloe, brooke, jenna, and christine are here for a shameful amount this chapter, woops. i was gonna have them heere (lmao) more but i forgot

**jakey d:** do you ever just want to scream the lyrics to big fun

　

**mello:** constantly, who do you take me for

　

**pink:** DANG DANG DIGGITY DANGA DANG

　

**berry:** _DANG DANG DIGGITY DANGA DANG_

　

**heere is a special bi:** DANG DANG DIGGITY DANGA DANG _DIGGITY DANGA DANG_

　

**richie rich:** THE FOLKS ARE GOOOOONE ITS TIME FOR BIG FUN (BIG FUN)

　

**jakey d:** WE'RE UP TIL DAWN HAVIN SOME BIG FUN (BIG FUN)

　

**Christine:** SO LET THE SPEAKERS BLOW, THEYLL BUY ANOTHER STEREO

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** OUR FOLKS GOT NO CLUE BOUT ALL THE SHIT THEIR CHILDREN DO

　

**pink:** WHY ARE THEY SURPRISED WHENEVER WE'RE UNSUPERVISED ITS

　

**berry:** BIG FUN

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** BIG FUN

　

**jakey d:** BIG FUN

　

**mello:** B I G F U N

　

**pink:** BIG FUN

　

**heere is a special bi:** _B I G F U U U U U U U N_

　

**richie rich:** W O O

　

**pink:** the demon queen of high school has decreed it

　

**heere is a special bi:** chloe no

　

**pink:** she says monday 8am i will be deleted

　

**heere is a special bi:** cHLOE NO

　

**pink:** theyll hunt me down in study hall

　

**heere is a special bi:** C H L O E

　

**pink:** stuff and mount me on the wall

　

**heere is a special bi:** _C H L O E_

　

**pink:** 30 hours to live how shall i spend them

　

**heere is a special bi: _C H L O E_**

**pink:** lol

　

**mello:** 911 ive witnessed a fucking murder

　

**jakey d:** ;lsadmv

　

**richie rich:** im so glad i decided to sit this one out ladncadnkvl

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** yall are wild

　

**berry:** wow i cant believe jeremy is secretly jd

　

**heere is a special bi:** ew

　

**pink:** ew

　

**jakey d:** YES

　

**jakey d:** IM NOT THE ONE BEING CALLED JD ANYMORE

　

**heere is a special bi:** you sure about that...

　

**heere is a special bi:** _jd_

　

**jakey d:** im breaking up with you

　

**heere is a special bi:** :(

　

**jakey d:** but sike tho

　

**heere is a special bi:** :)

　

**mello:** ew

　

**richie rich:** ew

　

**jakey d:** you love us

　

**mello:** debatable

　

**richie rich:** u sure

　

**jakey d:** michael rude

　

**jakey d:** and yes rich im like,,,, 90% sure

　

**richie rich:** ONLY 90%?? OH FUCC

　

**richie rich:** WHERE ARE YOU BINCH

　

**jakey d:** im at pinkberry with michael??

　

**richie rich:** IM OMW TO STEAL YOUR BINCH

　

**mello:** what the fuck is Happening

　

**heere is a special bi:** i dont know anymore

　

**pink:** i have never been more confused in my entire short existence

　

**pink:** okay no thats not true

　

**pink:** but its a close second

　

**berry:** whats the first??

　

**pink:** every math assignment ive ever had

　

**mello:** klandvlad

　

**jakey d:** SAME

　

**heere is a special bi:** i was half expecting you to say "my sexuality" but this is even better oml

　

**pink:** I MISSED THAT OPPORTUNITY FRICK

　

**rolan on the floor laughin:** "frick" and then 2 minutes earlier quoting a song about doing the fucc

　

**mello:** "DOING THE FUCC" JENNA IM DEAD

　

**jakey d:** hes not lying

　

**mello:** WOULD I LIE TO YOU GUYS

　

**heere is a special bi:** no but you would lie to me soooo

　

**mello:** jeremy it was _one time_

　

**heere is a special bi:** YOU SAID YOU WERE STRAIGHT FOR 10 YEARS WHAT THE FUCK. IT WAS NOT _ONE TIME_

　

**mello:** ok fine

　

**mello:** *jeremy it was _many times_ about something that was quite obviously a lie and its not my fault youre oblivious

　

**richie rich:** _"911 ive witnessed a fucking murder"_

　

**jakey d:** dont you love getting hit on by straights while on a date with your boyfriend

　

**heere is a special bi:** ugh

　

**pink:** deskosting

　

**mello:** lmao we were about to leave anyway

　

**jakey d:** rich you better change course bc we wont be here when you show up,,,,

　

**richie rich:** lmao ok

 

**mello:** *we wont be heere

　

**heere is a special bi:** why do you do this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating like usual! i know i said it on my tumblr but not everyone follows it/has a tumblr to do so with so i figured i would say it here too


	9. "blease. ...WAIT NO I MEANT PLEASE"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I HAVENT UPDATED IN THREE DAYS WOOPS THE WIFI WENT OUT AND I DIDNT HAVE THE COMMON SENSE TO USE MOBILE DATA ON MY PHONE TO POST A PSA ON THE TUMBLR OR SOMETHING YIKES IM AN IDIOT okay anyway this chapter is long-ish i think, so! ye!
> 
> fun fact: i was listening to 96,000 from in the heights on repeat while writing this and managed to avoid making 7 million in the heights references lol
> 
> me, screaming into the void: I'LLLLLL BEEEE DOWNTOOOOOOOOOOWN
> 
> oh oh by the way, there are two minor hamilton references in this chapter! one after the other! here's an example: "i learned how to say no to this a long time ago, idiot" "congratulations"
> 
> if you dont get the "congratulations" part, i highly recommend looking it up or finding a playlist of all cut songs/verses from hamilton,,,, congratulations is The Most Savage Thing i have ever heard tbh
> 
> okay this summary got super long lol i bet no one is gonna even read it

**mello** has changed the chat name to **yeet**.

 

**Christine:** MY MCFUCKIN PATCHES ARE HERE

 

**mello:** what the fuck

 

**Christine:** WAIT MICHAEL WRONG CHAT O O P S

 

**heere is a special bi:** what other chat,,,,,, we didnt make the other chat yet christine,,,,,,,,,

 

**Christine:** YIKES OK

 

**mello:** ????????

 

**heere is a special bi:** dont ask questions. nothing is wrong here. i see no issue with this.

 

**jakey d:** wow thats not suspicious in the least

 

**Christine:** werent you in charge of making the frickin chat, jake?

 

**jakey d:** .....................................................................................fuck

 

\---

 

**jakey d** has created the chat **yeet: michaels birthday edition**.

 

**jakey d** has added **heere is a special bi** , **Christine** , **richie rich** , **pink** , **berry** , and **rolan on the floor laughin** to the conversation.

 

**jakey d:** there, are you happy now

 

**Christine:** very

 

**richie rich:** are we still sure he doesnt know whats hip happenin

 

**pink:** blease stop

 

**pink:** **PLEASE I MEANT PLEASE

 

**jakey d:** b and p are on opposite rows of the keyboard tf

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** wow i cant believe chloe is a closet memer

 

**heere is a special bi:** rt

 

**berry:** chloe there is no way that was an accident

 

**pink:** STOP

 

**jakey d:** OKAY ANYWAY

 

**richie rich:** fr are we sure he still doesnt know

 

**heere is a special bi:** if michael hasnt figured it out yet then i guess hes been replaced by a clone or a robot, ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli style

 

**heere is a special bi:** but i mean we might as well still try to keep this a secret

 

**Christine:** ravioli ravioli whats in the pocketoli

 

**jakey d:** fUCK

 

**richie rich:** why didnt you mention this earlier, jeremy

 

**heere is a special bi:** i kinda figured you all knew already?? i mean, youve met michael, right? are we talking about the same person orrr

 

**pink:** wow i cant believe jeremy just murdered us all, that was so passive aggressive tf

 

**heere is a special bi:** i didnt mean it that way but okay???

 

**jakey d:** okay so

 

**jakey d:** christine's patches are here,,,, and is that it so far

 

**berry:** nah, about half of the ones i ordered are here too

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** wait what patches

 

**richie rich:** did you forget

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i guess??

 

**richie rich:** all i can say is that i hope you have amazon prime and a gift card at the ready

 

**jakey d:** we're all getting michael some patches for his hoodie bc his birthday is in a week, basically

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** oH

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** well lucky for yall, i do have amazon prime, and i have like 5 gift cards i havent used yet yEET

 

**jakey d:** GOOD

 

**jakey d:** OKAY SO

 

**jakey d:** CHRISTINE SEND THE LINK TO THE DOC WITH ALL OF THE ONES WE ALREADY GOT

 

**Christine:** screw that man im sending the pdf

 

**Christine** has sent the file **yeet.pdf**.

 

**jakey d:** that works too

 

\--- **yeet** \---

 

**mello:** why did yall just suddenly leave wtf

 

**pink:** n o r e a s o n a t a l l

 

**mello:** welp

 

**jakey d:** we didnt just all leave, brooke, jenna, and jeremy are busy right now

 

**mello:** oh ok

 

**mello:** im just used to this chat being Not Dead

 

**pink:** yeah, me n jake n christine are the only people still here rn

 

\--- **yeet: michaels birthday edition** \---

 

**jakey d:** I PANICKED

 

**jakey d:** BROOKE JENNA AND JEREMY DONT SAY ANYTHING IN THE OTHER CHAT

 

**berry:** wwwwhyyyyyyy

 

**jakey d:** i kinda sorta told michael yall were offline bc he was getting,,,,, Suspicious(tm)

 

\--- **yeet** \---

 

**mello:** its so weird for jeremy to be offline??? usually hes the one keeping this chat alive tbh

 

**jakey d:** um false

 

\--- **yeet: michaels birthday edition** \---

 

**heere is a special bi:** FOR FUCKS SAKE, JAKE, ONE JOB. YOU HAD ONE JOB.

 

**jakey d:** WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME TF

 

**heere is a special bi:** YOURE JUST MAKING HIM EVEN MORE SUSPICIOUS BECAUSE IM NOT IN THE CHAT

 

**jakey d:** S HIT

 

**jakey d:** FUCKIN

 

**Christine:** yall need to calm down

 

\--- **yeet** \---

 

**richie rich:** jeremy is like. here. hes just not typing, its all good

 

**jakey d:** oh really?? i thought he was busy

 

**richie rich:** no we're just chillin n watching wicked for the 3rd time this week

 

**heere is a special bi:** we are obsessed

 

**mello:** YALL ARE WATCHING WICKED WITHOUT ME?? IM WOUNDED

 

**richie rich:** COME OVER WE CAN PAUSE IT

 

**heere is a special bi:** WAIT NO RICH NO ITS ABOUT TO BE DEFYING GRAVITY

 

**richie rich:** AOSLKDNASDV

 

**heere is a special bi:** MICHAEL WE'LL REWIND IT FOR YOU BUT I PERSONALLY REFUSE TO NOT WATCH DEFYING GRAVITY

 

**mello:** hooooooooo same

 

**mello:** okay im omw

 

**jakey d:** ,,,,,,can i come too

 

**richie rich:** y e s

 

**jakey d:** YEET

 

\--- **yeet: michaels birthday edition** \---

 

**jakey d:** we almost fucked it oml

 

**richie rich:** correction: you almost fucked it. i dun fixed it

 

**heere is a special bi:** and i,,,,,,,,,,, played along?

 

**jakey d:** yall are so mean

 

**heere is a special bi:** false you filthy heathen

 

**richie rich:** wow jake, rude

 

**heere is a special bi:** memes aside im noooooot

 

**jakey d:** i was kidding

 

**richie rich:** you good?

 

**heere is a special bi:** mmmmmm never

 

**heere is a special bi:** sorry

 

**jakey d:** dont be

 

**pink:** take your gay and your feelings somewhere else please n thank you

 

**berry:** dont you mean blease, chloe?

 

**pink:** I THINK THE FUCK NOT

 

**richie rich:** lansdvlka

 

\--- **yeet** \---

 

**mello:** in other news i made a nasa hat last night

 

**jakey d:** you m a d e one?

 

**mello:** well you buy a patch

 

**mello:** and you buy a plain hat

 

**mello:** and then you is major news

 

**heere is a special bi:** stop, oh my god, the newsies references kill me

 

**mello:** lighten up, no one died

 

**jakey d:** IS THAT WHAT YOURE AIMIN' FOR?

 

**richie rich:** I HATE YOU ALL

 

**richie rich:** IM BREAKING UP WITH ALL OF YOU

 

**mello:** nooooo :( we have the bootlegssssss

 

**richie rich:** suddenly i take it back! wow i love you all so much!

 

**jakey d:** olandlva

 

**mello:** in the words of the wise man who named this chat, "yeet."

 

**heere is a special bi:** as the great rosa parks once said, "no."

 

**jakey d:** big mood

 

**Christine:** i relate on so many levels

 

**pink:** same

 

**berry:** whats up nerds im back

 

**mello:** That Doesn't Sound Like The Brooke I Know, But Ok

 

**berry:** i cant believe you used semi-decent grammar for me :') i love this family

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i Dont

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** the only person i love here is christine, i tolerate the rest of you

 

**mello:** WHAT

 

**jakey d:** SINCE WHEN

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** um a while

 

**Christine:** a month or so??

 

**heere is a special bi:** congratulations!!

 

**Christine:** aaa ty!!

 

**pink:** i like how we all took that in the lesbian context

 

**Christine:** yes i am indeed a lesbian. please take it in the lesbian context.

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** rt

 

**heere is a special bi:** we're all just used to it at this point

 

**berry:** its always gay with us, lets be real here

 

**mello:** *heere

 

**heere is a special bi:** Stop

 

**mello:** i caaaant stop

 

**mello:** and i wooooont stop

 

**jakey d:** please do not quote miley cyrus in this household

 

**mello:** okayyyy fiiiiiiiiiine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> michael's birthday is in july sorry i dont make the rules
> 
> also i had to go through and re-format this entire fucking chapter because wordpad on windows sucks ass at copying and pasting :/ gmail drafts dont treat me like this and i feel betrayed by my own laptop
> 
> another fun fact: the entire time i was re-formatting this, i was listening to one song glory from rent on repeat because guess who cant stop getting obsessed with musicals,,,,,, spoiler alert its ya girl cass


	10. me? projecting onto characters? never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woops i ranted in the beginning notes sorry in advance to anyone who decides to read it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically this right here is a mini lowkey passive-aggresive rant session about me wanting to see falsettos in theaters but yall heres the catch:::::::
> 
> the nearest theater that plays it is two fucking hours away,,,,,,,,,,,, 
> 
> i hate living in iowa while im not able to drive have i mentioned that?? like im tryna find other stuff to do there so that me and mom wouldnt be going just so i could see falsettos, bc i dont think mom really w a n t s to see it????? but theres this cool art museum and the Music Man Square is there and there's a sculpture park and also the original bicycle park so ? ? ? ? ? ? ? technically i was gonna go with a friend as well but she wont answer any of my snapchats so,,,,,,,,, woops either shes dead or doesnt like me anymore (im kidding about the dead thing oh my god that would be awful) oh oh oh but heres the thing, when i first told mom and broke the news that the nearest theater was 2 hours away, she said we might go anyway but lately when i bring it up she just kinda laughs it off n,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i dont know yall sorry idk why im doing this here rn i just needed to get this off my chest i guess
> 
> s o r r y enjoy this chapter

**heere is a special bi:** what is this feeling is honestly such a fucking bop

 

**Christine:** what is this feeling so sudden and new

 

**pink:** I FELT THE MOMENT I LAID EYES ON YOU

 

**Christine:** MY PULSE IS RUSHING

 

**pink:** MY HEAD IS REELING

 

**Christine:** MY FACE IS FLUSHING

 

**pink:** WHAT IS THIS FEELING

 

**Christine:** FERVID AS A FLAAAME

 

**pink:** DOES IT HAVE A NAAAAME

 

**Christine:** yeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

 

**pink:** LOATHING

 

**Christine:** UN A DULTERATED LOATHING

 

**Christine:** FOR YOUR FACE

 

**pink:** YOUR VOICE

 

**Christine:** YOUR CLOTHING

 

**pink:** ITS SO PUUUURE AND SO STROOOOONG

 

**Christine:** did yall hear that one of the local theatres is doing wicked??

 

**berry:** WHAT

 

**Christine:** I KNOW!!!

 

**heere is a special bi:** woops all of us are going to see it together sorry i dont make the rules

 

**Christine:** aaaactually audition signups were open for high school students so i kinda,,,,,,,, signed up to audition,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**berry:** what do you mean they  _were,_  did they close??

 

**Christine:** yeah, yesterday was the last possible signup day, i shouldve said something earlier!!

 

**berry:** aaaa no its ok!!!

 

**pink:** fuck i love you so much

 

**Christine:** WHAT

 

**mello:** I WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO WICKED UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE BUT W HAT

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** CAN I GET A FUCKINUHHHHH WHAT

 

**heere is a special bi:** MCWHAT AND A SIDE OF FRIES

 

**jakey d:** ACA SCUSE ME

 

**richie rich:** jake youre an old meme also SINCE FUCKING WHEN

 

**pink:** welp

 

**berry:** maybe two weeks at most?????

 

**heere is a special bi:** im so proud of you both,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, oh my god,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**mello:** im cancelling you for overuse of commas

 

**heere is a special bi:** no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,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**mello:** JESUS FUCK STOP

 

**jakey d:** JEREMY WHY

 

**richie rich:** WHY AM I IN LOVE WITH A BUNCH OF HUMAN DISASTERS

 

**pink:** im never using commas ever again

 

**pink:** jeremy has used enough commas in 20 seconds to last all of us for the rest of our lives

 

**berry:** i take back what i said before, i hate this family

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** jeremy i applaud you but i also am heavily judging you rn and as we speak im posting screenshots of this on all social media, prepare to be exposed

 

**heere is a special bi:** i accepted this fate from the moment i hit send and i have no regrets

 

**heere is a speical bi:** okay no thats a huge lie i have many regrets,,, but sending that message isnt one of them

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i already have several comments calling you "comma boy" get ready

 

**heere is a special bi:** OH MY FUCKING GOD

 

**heere is a special bi:** SENDING THAT MESSAGE HAS NOW BECOME ONE OF MY MANY, MANY REGRETS

 

**jakey d:** you sure about that...................  _comma boy_

 

**heere is a special bi:** woops im breaking up with jake sorry i dont make the rules

 

**jakey d:** HE Y

 

**heere is a special bi:** sike!!! i love all of my boyfriends sm!!!!!!!

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** jeremy are you about to become the exclamation point boy

 

**heere is a special bi:** please no

 

**berry:** jeremy noah fence but you need to get your life together

 

**heere is a special bi:** i would but alas i have ~*~*~anxiety~*~*~

 

**jakey d:** dear god

 

**richie rich:** alternatively: i would but alas i have ~*~*~no will to live~*~*~

 

**mello:** i would but alas i have ~*~*~crippling depression~*~*~

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i would but alas i have ~*~*~osteoporosis~*~*~

 

**berry:** i would but alas i have ~*~*~moderate to severe plaque psoriasis~*~*~

 

**pink:** i would but alas ~*~*~im gay~*~*~

 

**Christine:** i would but alas i have ~*~*~intrusive thoughts constantly~*~*~

 

**jakey d:** all of you are making me sad

 

**heere is a special bi:** me @ the voices in my head

 

**jakey d:** _please stop_

 

**heere is a special bi:**  also me @ the voices in my head

 

**mello:** shit man same

 

**pink:** why are we being a Feelings Chat(tm) and can we please. please stop being that

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** rt i dont want to talk about this rn

 

**richie rich:** i hate talking about feelings???

 

**richie rich:** so imma have to agree????????

 

**jakey d:** we had an extensive conversation about how sad you were that snakes dont have arms, which led to you wondering why lizards stole arms and legs from snakes, which led to a conversation about evolution.

 

**richie rich:** THAT DOESNT COUNT OKAY IM STILL FUCKING SAD ABOUT THAT

 

**heere is a special bi:** PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE

 

**jakey d:** IT ISNT I SWEAR

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** pics or it didnt happen

 

**richie rich:** jake do not

 

**jakey d:** i woooont

 

**jakey d** has removed  **richie rich** from the chat.

 

**jakey d:** sike

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **"THEYDONTHAVEARMS".png**.

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **this_is_my_fate.png**.

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **how_did_i_get_here.png**.

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **why_is_this_my_life.png**.

 

**jakey d:** save the screenshots while you can bc i have to remove the messages before adding him back

 

**mello:** hes screaming @ me oml

 

**mello:** "ADD ME BACK TO THE CHAT PLEASE IF IM GETTING EXPOSED I AT LEAST WANT TO WITNESS IT" "sorry rich but no can do" "FINE I'LL GO YELL @ JEREMY"

 

**mello:** dont add him i s2g

 

**heere is a special bi** has added  **richie rich** to the chat.

 

**mello:** jeremy why

 

**heere is a special bi:** RICH CAN BE VERY PERSUASIVE OK

 

**mello:**..............are we thinking about the same person???

 

**richie rich:** im offended

 

**heere is a special bi:** youre telling me you wouldnt be convinced by rich telling you we could adopt a puppy the fuck

 

**mello:** WHAT

 

**mello:** HELL YEAH I WOULD BE CONVINCED BUT HE DIDNT SAY THAT TO ME

 

**mello:** HE JUST WAS YELLIN

 

**richie rich:** woops

 

**mello:** YEAH WOOPS

 

**richie rich:** so technically we arent ""adopting"" a puppy, i know a guy ya feel

 

**richie rich:** also known as: my cousin's samoyed just had puppies and i was gonna get one anyway but i wanted to sound Edgy

 

**jakey d:** are you fr

 

**richie rich:** ye

 

**jakey d:** oh wow

 

**jakey d** has removed 4 messages.

 

**jakey d:** gotta get rid of those i guess

 

**richie rich:** did you just delete the receipts from this chat. are you kidding me

 

**richie rich:** i wanted to see them

 

**richie rich:** i delete my old messages every once in a while and i literally deleted those yesterday

 

**jakey d:** ohhhh ok hang on

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **"THEYDONTHAVEARMS".png**.

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **this_is_my_fate.png**.

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **how_did_i_get_here.png**.

 

**jakey d** has sent the file  **why_is_this_my_life.png**.

 

**mello:** those file names are so ~~Iconique~~

 

**pink:** 1) what did i just witness 2) michael why are you so extra

 

**mello:** i am always this kind

 

**heere is a special bi:** i feel like thats a reference to something

 

**heere is a special bi:** is that a reference i should be getting

 

**mello:**...........................................................................................im offended

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** this just in breaking news: michael will hereby be known as period boy

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** WAIT NO I DIDNT THINK THAT ONE THROUGH

 

**Christine:** J ENNA

 

**pink:** I CANNOT B E L I E V E

 

**berry:** HOW COULD YOU

 

**pink:** IVE BEEN BETRAYED

 

**mello:** wow for once im cancelling my own existence

 

**jakey d:** just call him dot boy

 

**richie rich:** multiple ellipses boy

 

**berry:** point boy

 

**pink:** what does that one even mean

 

**berry:** yknow like

 

**berry:** two point five? 2.5??

 

**pink:** OHHH

 

**berry:** yee

 

**mello:** wahwahwah wah wah wah wah waaah wahwah! wahwahwah wah wah wah wah-- yeeeeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you dont know what the wahwahwah wah wah thing is, please please please look it up on youtube, i think its called "yee"
> 
> imma just apologize one more time for that rant in the beginning notes woops im re a l ly sorry, i kinda feel like a bad person now lmao


	11. i might start another fic woops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> would any of yall be interested in a newsies fic if i wrote one?? idk but i was listening to mike faist's version of santa fe on repeat while i wrote this chapter and hmmmmm ',:/
> 
> ALSO IM AUDITIONING FOR HEATHERS ONLINE HLKANSDLVAKS FUCKIN !!!! IM SO EXCITED MY HOMIES, IM GOING FOR MARTHA AND HEATHER MCNAMARA
> 
> psa that this is a short-ass chapter because i have to Actually Prepare to record my audition stuff

**mello:** i love spending my friday night listening to mike faist scream the lyrics to santa fe

 

**jakey d:** what the hell

 

**mello:** you think im kidding

 

**jakey d:** yes i do

 

**mello:** jer you know what to do

 

**heere is a special bi:** on it

 

**jakey d:** this is so suspicious

 

**jakey d:** please do not

 

**mello:** its too late, im watching jeremy furiously type

 

**richie rich:** what do you mean he doesnt always do that

 

**mello:** jeremy says to fuck off with that

 

**jakey d:** thats so rude wtf

 

**jakey d:** im kidding

 

**mello:** he says he isnt the rude one oml

 

**mello:** i cant believe hes murdering you

 

**jakey d:** ://///////

 

**mello:** "he just did the slant face on steroids" "...the what" "yknow, the slant face. youve used it" "tell him im using the one eyebrow raised face" "... _the what now_ " "yknow. the ',:/" "HOW DID YOU DO THAT VERBALLY" "ive been trained well, what can i say" funny story, this is how our normal conversations go

 

**jakey d:** tell him i'll fight him in the dennys parking lot at 3AM

 

**mello:** he says he prefers the flagpole at 2PM but ok

 

**jakey d:** oansldva

 

**mello:** "he just keyboard smashed" "good"

 

**richie rich:** tell jeremy that i support him in all of his future endeavors

 

**jakey d:** _rich whyyy_

 

**richie rich:** team bi blasting off agaaaaaaaain

 

**jakey d:** this is panphobia

 

**mello:** homophobia

 

**jakey d:** youre both bullies

 

**heere is a special bi:** H A. folks we finally got our headline, NEWSIES CRUSHED AS BULLS ATTACK!!! crutchie's callin me, dumb crip's just too damn slow,,,,, guys are fightin bleedin fallin tHANKS TO GOOD OLD CAPTAIn jack. captAIN JACK JUST WANTS T _O CLOSE HIS EYES AND GO!!!!!!!!!!!_  .....................................................let meee go far awaaaay, somewhere they wont never find me, and tomorrow wont remind me of today. when the city's finally sleepin and the moon looks old n gray, i'll get on a train thats bound for santa fe. and iM GONE. AND IM DONE! no more runnin no more lyin. no more fat old men denyin me myyy paaaaay. just a moon sooo big n yellow it turns night right into daaaay. dreAMS COME TRue... yeah they do... in santa feeeeee. where does it say you gotta live n dIE HEEEERE, WHERE DOES IT SAY A GUY CANT CATCH A BREAK? WHY SHOULD YOU ONLY TAKE WHAT YOURE GIVEN? WHY. SHOULD YOU SPEND YOUR WHOOOOLE LIFE LIVIN TRAPPED WHERE THERE AINT NO FUTURE, EVEN AT SEVENTEEN. BREAKIN YOUR BACK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S SAKE. IF THE LIFE DONT SEEM TO SUIT YA HOW BOUT A CHANGE OF SCENE? FAR FROM THE LOUSY HEADLINES AND THE DEADLINES IN BETWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. SAAAANTAAAAAAAAA FEEEEEE MY OOOLD FRIEND, I CANT SPEND MY WHOOOLE LIFE DREAMIN, BUT RIGHT NOW THATS ALL I SEEM INCLINED TO DO. AND I AINT GETTIN ANY YOUNGER, AND IIII WANNA START BRAND NEEEEEW  _I NEED SPACE! N FRESH AIR! LET EM LAUGH IN MY FACE, I DONT CAAAAARE! SAAAAAAVE MYYYYYY_ _P_ LAce... i'll be there.......... just be real is all im askin, n not some paintin in my head. cause im dead if i cant count on you todaaaay... i gOT NOTHIIIIIN IF IIII AAAAINT GOT SAAAAAANTAAAAAA  _FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_

 

**mello:** theres a voice crack on "I NEED SPACE AND FRESH AIR, LET EM LAUGH IN MY FACE I DONT CAAAARE"

 

**jakey d:** woah

 

**heere is a special bi:** i already had italics and capslock and i dont like using b o l d  l e t t e r s so ye

 

**Christine:** i feel so blessed to be looking at this right now

 

**Christine:** but

 

**Christine:** MIKE FAIST SANG SANTA FE!?

 

**heere is a special bi:** YES AND I AM LIVING FOR IT

 

**mello:** reasons to live: -dank memes, -my boyfriends, -video games, -mike faist singing santa fe, -people screaming the lyrics to full soundtracks

 

**Christine:** lkansdfla

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** michael youre such an inspiration

 

**mello:** thank you i try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mike faist singing santa fe is a blessing to this earth, and i hate that he says "oh i cant sing" like biNCH LISTEN TO YOURSELF!!! THIS IS THE BEST SHIT!!!!!!


	12. yokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi hello i have friends now woops
> 
> this one is short as fuck its fiiiine

**mello:**  i just realized my birthday is in like 4 days yokes

 

**mello:** I MEANT YIKES

 

**jakey d:**  yolks

 

**richie rich:**  eggies

**heere is a special bi:**  L E G G I E S

 

**mello:**  stick the leggy out real far

 

\--- **yeet: michaels birthday edition** \---

 

**jakey d:**  ALRIGHT FUCKERS UPDATE: WHAT PATCHES HAVE ARRIVED

 

**berry:**  all of mine are here now!!

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:**  ^^^

**pink:** 90% of mine are here, there are only like 2 that arent here yet

 

**heere is a special bi:**  the eagle has fuckin landed

 

**Christine:** lkadc

 

**Christine:**  also same

 

**jakey d:**  good, good

 

**jakey d:**  rich hbu

 

**richie rich:**  NONE OF MINE ARE HERE YET AND I FEEL PERSONALLY FUCKING ATTACKED

 

**heere is a special bi:**  send amazon a really passive aggressive email

 

**richie rich:** good idea

 

**jakey d:** yes. you get em babe

**richie rich:**  !!!

**richie rich:**  ok!!!!!

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:**  ew

 

**Christine:**  you would do the same thing, dont lie to us

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:**  the exposer has become the exposee. wow

 

\--- **yeet** \---

 

**mello:**  anyway its lit

 

**mello:** my moms are bein Secretive its like,,, what are yall planning

 

**jakey d:** sorry but we cant tell you that

 

**mello:**  I WAS KIDDING, YALLRE ACTUALLY PLOTTING??

 

**heere is a special bi:**  y e p

 

**richie rich:**  we're in kahoots with your moms

 

**mello:**  suddenly i dont want a birthday at all lol

 

**jakey d:**  lmao

 

**Christine:**  its not bad!! who do you take us for??

 

**mello:**  youre always either the best friends or exposing me????

 

**heere is a special bi:**  *youre always either the best friends or jenna is exposing me????

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:**  H E Y

 

**mello:**  lmao its all good, i love yall

 

**mello:** but especially my boyfriends, sorry, i dont make the rules

 

**richie rich:**  FUCK 

 

**jakey d:**  LASKDNA

 

**heere is a special bi:**  S HIT

 

\--- **yeet: michaels birthday edition** \---

 

**jakey d:**  IM GAY

 

**Christine:**  big mood

 

**pink:**  same always

 

\--- **yeet** \---

 

**pink:**  "yallre" michael where do we live, texas?

 

**mello:**  you know chloe i thought you would know where we lived at least :/ i expected more from you. we live in new jersey

 

**pink:** fite me in the dennys parking lot at 3AM

 

**mello:**  gladly. i guess my birthday present will be a f i t e 

 

**jakey d:**  m i c h a e l  n o

 

**mello:** mmmmm ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its lit


	13. y e e t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woops this is also really short,,, maybe the shortest one yet

 

**jakey d:**  HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL

 

**mello:** ITS MIDNIGHT

 

 

**jakey d:** EXACTLY

 

 

**mello:**  SINCE WHEN DO YOU STAY UP THIS LATE

 

 

**jakey d:** E X C U S E   M E

 

 

**mello:** DID I STUTTER

 

 

**jakey d:** I AM OFFENDED

 

 

**heere is a special bi:** what the fuck did i show up to

 

 

**jakey d:** michael has offended me

 

 

**heere is a special bi:** yeah i gathered that but

 

 

**heere is a special bi:** _how_

 

**mello:** he never stays up this late

 

 

**heere is a special bi:** its midnight,,, thats not late

 

 

**jakey d:** THANK YOU

 

 

**mello:** YEAH MAYBE TO US BUT JAKE IS AN OLD MAN

 

 

**jakey d:** _E X C U S E   M E_

 

**mello:** ITS JUST A PRANK BRO 

 

 

**heere is a special bi:** if jake is an old man, what does that make you for dating him?

 

 

**mello:**..........i

 

 

**jakey d:** DESTROYED

 

 

**mello:** YOURE DATING HIM TOO

 

 

**heere is a special bi:** YES I AM

 

 

**richie rich:** what did i wake up to

 

 

**mello:** JAKE IS AN OLD MAN

 

 

**heere is a special bi:** NO

 

 

**richie rich:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 

**pink:** i hate all of you

 

 

**pink:** im so glad we dont have school tomorrow

 

 

**pink:** but i still hate you all

 

 

**pink:** except brooke

 

 

**pink:** and christine

 

 

**pink:** and jenna

 

 

**pink:** and i guess jeremy and rich

 

 

**mello:** ,,,,wow

 

 

**mello:** on my own birthday

 

 

**mello:** im wounded

 

 

**Christine:** what is wrong with all of you

 

 

**Christine:** please sleep

 

 

**mello:** ok mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are getting shorter and shorter but,,, the next one is gonna be a lot longer, i think


	14. ITS MICHAELS FUCKIN BIRTHDAY, ASSHOLES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I T S T I M E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for calling yall assholes, i love you all asodvnlasd

**mello:** alright so whats the plan yall

 

**heere is a special bi:** uhhhh  **@jakey d**

 

**jakey d:** well basically

 

**jakey d:** shit uhhh

 

**jakey d:** u h h h  **@richie rich**

 

**richie rich:** you think i know if yall dont?? lmao who do you take me for

 

**Christine:** basically the plan is we all got you presents so yeah

 

**mello:** WOT

 

**pink:** yep

 

**mello:** A L L   O F   Y O U ?

 

**pink:** y e p

 

**pink:** did i stutter

 

**mello:** SHIT I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS,,, THEY ALWAYS DO THE ABSOLUTE MOST,,,,,,,,,,,, FUCK MAN I LOVE YALL

 

**berry:** cue me gross sobbing in the corner

 

**mello:** GIRL SAME

 

**Christine:** we love you too michael!! we wouldnt have done all of this if not lol

 

**mello:** lknadsflsndc

 

**2 hours later...**

 

**mello:** IM SO FUCKING BLESSED BY ALL OF YOU BUT

 

**mello:** I CANT FIT ALL OF THESE PATCHES ONTO THIS ONE HOODIE

 

**mello:** IM GONNA HAVE TO GET ANOTHER ONE

 

**Christine:** LMAO

 

**heere is a special bi:** JUST YOU WAIT

 

**20 minutes later...**

 

**mello:** OK NEVERMIND

 

**mello:** I LOVE EVERYONE IN MY LIFE SO MUCH,,,,,,, MY MOMS #BLESSED ME ON THIS DAY,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**Christine:** AND THERE IT IS

 

**jakey d:** HAPPY FUCKIN BIRTHDAY!!!!

 

**richie rich:** borthday

 

**heere is a special bi:** birthing day

 

**pink:** birth giving day

 

**berry:** *borthing, borth giving

 

**Christine:** olaskdncasdc

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** but wait! it was us who were #blessed all along!!

 

**heere is a special bi:** ^^^^^^^^^

 

**mello:** F A L S E

 

**heere is a special bi:** michael literally none of us would be here without you

 

**mello:** um excuse me false

 

**heere is a special bi:** m i c h a e l

 

**mello:** j e r e m y

 

**jakey d:** m i c h a e l

 

**richie rich:** m i c h a e l

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** m i c h a e l

 

**pink:** m i c h a e l

 

**berry:** m i c h a e l

 

**Christine:** m i c h a e l

 

**mello:** OK FINE

 

**heere is a special bi:** BLESS

 

**jakey d:** so,,, is this the best borthday ever or what

 

**mello:** yes, the Best Borthday yet

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

 

**heere is a special bi:** its not even over yet alsdncd

 

**mello:**????????

 

**jakey d:** WE'RE HAVING A BOOTLEG PARTY

 

**mello:** OH SHIT

 

**richie rich:** aka we finally found a hamilton chicago boot woops

 

**mello:** OH MY GOD YE S

 

**heere is a special bi:** I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST GONNA WATCH RENT, YOU NEVER SAID YOU FOUND HAMILTON CHICAGO

 

**richie rich:** LMAO W O O P S


	15. WOOPS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JACKY_THINK_ABOUT_IT HAD TO REMIND ME THAT THIS FIC EXISTED BC I ACCIDENTALLY FELL BACK INTO THE NEWSIES FANDOM AND COULDNT GET UP
> 
> BUT
> 
> HEERE IM BACK NOW
> 
> THIS IS SHORT BUT TAKE IT
> 
> I WAS GONNA WRITE MORE BUT I NEED TO STOP WORKING ON THIS SINGLE CHAPTER SO YALL AT LEAST GET SOMETHING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I STILL HAVE SOME SCREENSHOTS TO MAKE, THEYLL BE POSTED SOON T R U S T M E

**mello:**  i cant believe i have the best friends in the world wow

 

**pink:**  :000

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** hmmmmm

 

**Christine:** awwww!! we think youre the best too, michael!!!

 

**berry:**  ^^^ !!!!!

 

**mello:**  AND THE BEST BOYFIRNEDS

 

**richie rich:**  boyfirneds

 

**jakey d:**  boyfirneds

 

**heere is a special bi:**  boyfirneds

 

**mello:**  oh wow suddenly i take it back :///

 

**jakey d:**  :(((((((((

 

**heere is a special bi:**  you made him sad you monster

 

**richie rich:**  you should be ashamed of yourself

 

**jakey d:**  SIKE turn that mcfuckin frown upside down!! (((((((((:

 

**mello:**  ekadksbfksjs

 

**berry:**  i rELATE--

 

**Christine:**  me too!!!!! (((((((((:

 

**pink:**  all of you are disgustingly positive and it hurts my blackened soul

 

**heere is a special bi:**  "all of you" :////////

 

**pink:**  *most of you

**heere is a special bi:**  much better, bless

 

**mello:**  blease

 

**pink:**  NOT IN THIS COURTROOM

 

**richie rich:** FNDKAFBAKSNA

 

**berry:**  me too, rich,  m e   t o o

 

**Christine:**  constant mood

 

**heere is a special bi:**  thanks rich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you listen closely, when michael said ":///", you can hear racetrack higgins in the distance screaming about filthy brand stealers (im s o r r y every time i use that face now im going to think of dgcg)


	16. me? updating? never, apparently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fun fact this is an actual chapter
> 
> the title just references me not updating since last month
> 
> IM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS I SWEAR

**mello:** hey so

 

**mello:** the rent movie makes me cry

 

**mello:** everything rent related does at this point

 

**heere is a special bi:** even light my candle

 

**mello:**.............

 

**heere is a special bi:** ARE YOU SERIOUS

 

**mello:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

**heere is a special bi:** THATS LIKE THE LEAST SAD SONG FROM THE MUSICAL, WHAT THE FUCK

 

**Christine:** you wanna dance?

 

**jakey d:** with you??

 

**Christine:** no

 

**Christine:** w i t h   m y   f a t h e r

 

**jakey d:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,im roger

 

**Christine:** they call me

 

**Christine:** they call me

 

**Christine:** miiiMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

 

**richie rich:** i just woke up and

 

**richie rich:** _excuse me_

 

**richie rich:** i cant believe im dating someone who cries because of light my candle

 

**mello:** H E Y

 

**mello:** DONT ACT LIKE YOU DONT CRY AT SINCERELY ME FROM DEH

 

**jakey d:** im sorry what

 

**richie rich:** WOW

 

**heere is a special bi:**.....i

 

**jakey d:** okay but

 

**jakey d:** we all have our weird song to cry at

 

**Christine:** mine is big fun

 

**pink:** im not saying mine

 

**berry:** chloeeeee

 

**pink:** i said no

 

**berry:** chloooooo _oooooo_ _eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_

 

**pink:** FINE

 

**pink:** its four jews in a room bitching

 

**heere is a special bi:** ldkncalkndf

 

**berry:** mine is paciencia y fe

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** catch me not having one despite being trash just like the rest of you

 

**heere is a special bi:** oh come onnnnnn you have to have at least one

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** NO FR I DONT

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** ITS HECKIN WEIRD, DUDE

 

**heere is a special bi:** :000000

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** wait now that i think about it

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i relate to rich

 

**richie rich:** HA

 

**richie rich:** IM NOT THE ONLY ONE

 

**richie rich:** GET FUCKED

 

**mello:** n o

 

**mello:** i am a m i n o r

 

**richie rich:** lfasklnasdkl

 

**richie rich:** I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT AND YOU KNOW IT

 

**heere is a special bi:**  as the wise jared kleinman once said............................................................................................................................kinky

 

**pink:** i just imagined you leaning into a microphone, saying "kinky", and then walking offstage to thunderous applause and honestly im

 

**pink:** im dying scoob

 

**berry:** IM DYING SCOOB ONAFDLVNA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was short but
> 
> i had to do s o m e t h i n g
> 
> i mean, i did say i was thinking about doing some content
> 
> and now ive done it lmao


	17. t w o i n o n e d a y

**mello:** wait jer you never said yours

 

 **heere is a special bi:** my what

 

 **mello:** your one song

 

 **heere is a special bi:** OH THAT

 

 **heere is a special bi:** its

 

 **heere is a special bi:** ,,,,,non-stop

 

 **mello:** oh my god

 

 **jakey d:** how

 

 **richie rich:** ,,,,i

 

 **heere is a special bi:** LNLAKNDLD SHHHHHHH

 

 **jakey d:** WE ARENT JUDGING

 

 **jakey d:** just

 

 **jakey d:** h o w

 

 **heere is a special bi:** fight me in the dennys parking lot tonight

 

 **jakey d:** i dont do,,, "fight"s

 

 **richie rich:** i   d o

 

 **mello:** rich no

 

 **richie rich:** RICH YES

 

 **heere is a special bi:** YOU WOULD BEAT ME SO BAD

 

 **richie rich:** oh shit yeah

 

 **richie rich:** i always forget that youre actually a human twig

 

 **heere is a special bi:** wow ://// i love my boyfriend rich so much :///////////////

 

 **heere is a special bi:** IM KIDDING I ACTUALLY DO

 

 **mello:** thats a big mood

 

 **pink:** ewwww

 

 **berry:** awwww

 

 **berry:** oh wow

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** welp

 

 **Christine:** there are two kinds of people,,,


	18. lmao im zazzed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which im salty about the blatant stealing of my ideas with no credit : )
> 
> shoutout to michael for being the vessel i used to convey this : ) ) ) ) )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> copy my fic one more time i frickin dare you : ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )

**mello:** plagiarism sux

 

**heere is a special bi:** ye

 

**mello:** someone's been stealing my damn MEMES

 

**richie rich:** fite fite fite fite

 

**Christine:** no dont!!

 

**richie rich:** _FITE FITE FITE FITE_

 

**Christine:**  N O D O N T

 

**pink:** do it

 

**berry:** do it

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** do it

 

**jakey d:** dont blease

 

**jakey d:** wait

 

**jakey d:** wait no

 

**jakey d:** fite the fuck outta them michael, i believe in you

 

**mello:** bless your soul

 

**pink:** YES JAKE

 

**pink:** THROW AWAY YOUR PACIFISM

 

**pink:** F I T E

 

**heere is a special bi:** i love this

 

**heere is a special bi:** this is great

 

**richie rich:** PROMISE ME YOULL STAY BEYOND THE SUNRIIIIIIIISE

 

**jakey d:** PROMISE ME YOULL STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

 

**Christine:** T HAT SONG

 

**Christine:** remember when we were talking about weird songs that make us cry?? i wouldve said that one except its not exactly weird to cry over that song so y e e

 

**richie rich:** makes sense lol

 

**mello:** alright the first blow has been made

 

**jakey d:** what did you do??

 

**mello:** i just commented ":///"

 

**heere is a special bi:** YES

 

**heere is a special bi:** BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

 

**mello:** oh honey i  _rule_ passive aggressive

 

**heere is a special bi:** oh honey thanksgiving?

 

**heere is a special bi:** o h   h o n e y

 

**heere is a special bi:** T H A N K S L I V I N G

 

**mello:** THANK YOU FOR THAT JER ALKSDNALSDKNV

 

**jakey d:** IM D EAD I LOVE RPDR MEMES

 

**pink:** after a long night of hookin..... trade didnt like the session........ so he had gutted me,, n set me on fire............ but i didnt die,,,,,,,, i had crystallized,,,,,,,,,,,,, into a glamazon bitch ready for the runway

 

**jakey d:** no. sorry. next.

 

**berry:** that fuckin ooky spooky hallowooky ding dang dooky of a rotted, gutted, nasty, trashy, classless hila fuckin monster

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** lkansdlckansdlcn YES

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** I LOVE KATYA SM, SHES MY F A V O R I T E

 

**mello:** BIG MOOD

 

**jakey d:** katya?? i think you mean  _our lord and fuckin savior yekaterina petrovna zamolodchikova_

 

**pink:** i

 

**pink:** i cant  _believe_

 

**pink:** _you spelled her entire name correctly, jake_

 

**heere is a special bi:** i still can only say her name to the timing of it in read u wrote u

 

**heere is a special bi:** every other time im just like "yekater--................. katya"

 

**mello:** god i relate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o n e m o r e t i m e , i s w e a r : ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )


	19. imma just say rn. this is just a bunch of drag race references

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this entire chapter is full of drag race references so if you havent watched it, you probably wont understand anything!! sorry!
> 
> also! jake mentions shooting himself in the foot and its the last line of the chapter, but if that makes you uncomfortable you can either skip this chapter (it doesnt have any plot, really) or read up until jake says "youre literally 2 weeks older than me, fuck off"!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but like 100/10 would recommend watching drag race, i love that show sm its my depression show but i watch it even when im not having one of my worse days
> 
> also if you dont want to watch drag race, just listen to read u wrote u?? its a fuckin bop tbh
> 
> if you dont want to its totally fine!! im not gonna force yall lmao

**mello:** yekaterinaa

 

**mello:** petrovna.

 

**mello:** zamolod. chi. kova.

 

**mello:** bUT YOUR DAD

 

**mello:** JUST CALLS ME

 

**mello:** _KATYAAAAAAA_

**heere is a special bi:** _IM ROXXXY ANDREWS AND IM HEERE TO MAKE IT CLEAR_

**heere is a special bi:** _I KNOW YOU LOVE ME BABY, THATS WHY YOU BROUGHT ME HERE_

 

**heere is a special bi:** _I WAS A BITCH ON SEASON 5, IM HERE TO MAKE IT RIGHT_

 

**heere is a special bi:**   _SHOW ME A SEWING CHALLENGE AND ILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU LIKE_

**heere is a special bi:** _IM FULL OF TRICKS BABY, JUST LIKE IM HALLOWEEN_

**heere is a special bi:**   _A ROOM FULL OF MONSTERS AND IT MAKES ME WANNA SCREAM_

**heere is a special bi:** _IM HERE TO GET THIS RIGHT SO YOU DONT WASTE YOUR TIME_

**heere is a special bi:** _NOT LIKE MY COMEDY IM KILLIN ON THIS RHYME_

**heere is a special bi:** _iiiiiiiiii waaaaanna show_

**heere is a special bi:** _you_

**heere is a special bi:** _what iiii can do_

**heere is a special bi:** aaaand thats all i know because roxxxy's verse is actual garbage

 

**richie rich:** _DETOX COMIN AT YOU WITH A SLOW VERSE_

**richie rich:** _IMMA SPEED IT UP I HAD TO SHUT IT DOWN FIRST_

**richie rich:** _KILL THEM BITCHES SO HARD NEED A PINK HEARSE_

**richie rich:** _IM NOT SAYIN IM THE BEST BUT I AINT THE WORST_

**richie rich:** _YOU SEE ME SHININ IM TRYIN TO TAKE THIS PRIMETIME_

**richie rich:** _I SEE YOU WHININ N CRYIN TAKE THAT TO LIFETIME_

**richie rich:** _SO EPIC THAT ITS POETIC I SPIT IT ALL THE TIME_

**richie rich:** _ON REDDIT YOU LOOK PATHETIC WITH THAT NURSERY RHYME_

**richie rich:** _YOU CANT STAND ME? I DONT BLAME YOU_

**richie rich:** _IF RU'S #1 IM #2_

**richie rich:** _YOU DISAGREE? WELL THATS ON YOU_

**richie rich:** _EYES ON THE CHALKBOARD I'LL SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU_

**richie rich:** _D TO THE E TO THE T TO THE O TO THE HOLD IT_

**richie rich:** _,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,X_

**richie rich:** _NAOMI CAMPBELLING THESE HOES TO THE CROWN, NEXT!_

**jakey d:** _hey girls my names alaska, i got a tiny little question to ask ya_

**jakey d:** _who's that bitch thats on the top? oh wait thats me, hey porkchoppp_

**jakey d:** _youre born naked, the rest is drag, but your face just needs a paper bag_

**jakey d:** _give me a challenge and i'll crush ya all, changing the game like my names rupaul_

**jakey d:** _line em up, front to back, im sendin bitches home like a heart attack_

**jakey d:** _mess with me and youll wind up in a casket_

**jakey d:** _im dorothy, youre toto, GET IN THE BASKET_

**jakey d:** _i'll read you down beneath the ground, can you hold my purse while i snatch the crown?_

**jakey d:** _legacy. remember my name cause youre gonna see me hanging in the hall of faaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME_

**Christine:** i cant with you people

 

**pink:** how are you all so in sync

 

**mello:** these fuckers didnt let me finish katya's verse and im angery

 

**heere is a special bi:** we didnt need to hear any more of it to understand how rOBBED KATYA WAS

 

**mello:** I MEAN TRU

 

**jakey d:** IT WAS A TRAGEDY, SURELY

 

**richie rich:** i mean alaska's great and all but kATYA DESERVED IT SO MUCH MORE

 

**Christine:** unpopular opinion: i actually think alaska deserved to win

 

**heere is a special bi:** yeah, if she didnt have an absolute fucking meltdown the one time she was in the bottom 2

 

**richie rich:** i cant listen to roar by katy perry anymore because it reminds me so much of katya lipsyncing against kennedy and getting rOBBED

 

**mello:** did you watch the episode of untucked from that episode?

 

**richie rich:** NO WHAT

 

**mello:** DONT

 

**mello:** YOU'LL CRY

 

**mello:** I ACTUALLY DIDNT LIKE KATYA A WHOLE LOT BEFORE THAT, LIKE I THOUGHT SHE WAS COOL N ALL BUT I THOUGHT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE SO MUCH BETTER YA FEEL

 

**mello:** AND THEN WE GOT TO THAT EPISODE (me n my moms watch drag race together) AND I WAS GROSS FUCKING SOBBING

 

**mello:** ME

 

**mello:** GROSS SOBBING

 

**mello:** _OVER AN EPISODE OF RUPAULS FUCKING DRAG RACE_

**mello:** I JUST

 

**mello:** i just

 

**mello:** i cant

 

**mello:** what the  _fuck_  rupaul

 

**mello:** _ya dun made a fuckin mistake_

**richie rich:** this is a Lot to take in wtf

 

**mello:** i saw violet and katya being Good Fronds near the end of the episode and i just kinda thought to myself. Oh No. Katya's Gonna Have To Go. What The Fuck.

 

**richie rich:** WAIT

 

**richie rich:** WAIT  _WHAT_

**richie rich:** WELL FUCK I GOTTA GO WATCH THAT UNTUCKED EPISODE NOW WHAT THE FUCK

 

**mello:** THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS BEAUTIFUL AND ALL BUT I LITERALLY CANNOT WATCH THAT EPISODE WITHOUT CRYING ANYMORE

 

**heere is a special bi:** can confirm

 

**jakey d:** im d y i n g

 

**jakey d:** does anyone wanna come rewatch season 7 with me now lmao

 

**heere is a special bi:** ME ME I DO

 

**jakey d:** BLESS

 

**richie rich:** are you gonna watch untucked along with it??

 

**jakey d:** i was planning on following the episodes, so like episode 1, untucked 1, episode 2, untucked 2, etc

 

**richie rich:** so i take that as a yes then lol

 

**jakey d:** yes(tm)

 

**richie rich:** _can i come too_

**jakey d:** absolutely!!

 

**richie rich:** YESSS

**jakey d:** michaelllll

 

**mello:** no, im gonna cry and yall fuckers know it

 

**richie rich:** michaelllllllllll

 

**mello:** n o

 

**heere is a special bi:** michaelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

 

**mello:** ugh fine

 

**Christine:** yes hi hello ive never watched season 7 can i come too??

 

**jakey d:** tbh you all can?? i think a giant drag race viewing party would be really fun!!!

 

**pink:** BLESS YOU, CHILD

 

**jakey d:** you're literally 2 weeks older than me, fuck off

 

**pink:** watch your fucking language, smol baby

 

**jakey d:** IM GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FOOT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was a fuckin r i d e (not really lmao)


	20. lmao its been a Hot Second hasnt it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woops its been 2 full weeks yIKES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is literally just a rewrite of the food discourse from the discord, as suggested by a few of the members of the server!!

**mello:** fun fact about me: i do not like cucumbers??

 

**mello:** at  _all_

 

**mello:** in  _anything_

 

**mello:** its weird lol

 

**jakey d:** y o u    _w h a t_

 

**mello:** I KNOW, ITS LIKE SOMEONE SAYING THEY DONT LIKE CHEESE

 

**mello:** but i really dont??

 

**jakey d:** that just took 10 years of my life, i dont think we can be together anymore

 

**mello:** have fun bargaining with satan to get those back

 

**richie rich:** me n satan are buddy chum pals

 

**richie rich:** i'll get em back for ya jake!

 

**richie rich:** we're besties 4 afterlyfe!! we watch glee together and paint each other's nails

 

**mello:** Wholesome(tm)

 

**heere is a special bi:** ive never even had a cucumber

 

**jakey d:** w H A T   t h e   F U C K

 

**jakey d:** HOW DO YOU JUST NOT HAVE CUCUMBERS EVER. IM SHOOK

 

**heere is a special bi:** idk

 

**jakey d:** sh00k

 

**mello:**   _sh00keth_

 

**jakey d:**  cucumbers are good

 

**jakey d:** bananas, on the other hand,,,,

 

**mello:** UGH YEAH BANANAS

 

**Christine:** THE TEXTURE OF THEM B OTHE RS ME

 

**jakey d:** THEY'RE SO GROSS

 

**jakey d:** N A S T Y

 

**heere is a special bi:** THEY'RE ALL MUSHY N SQUOOSHY N. HNNNNNNNN

 

**pink:** BANANAS ARE A M A Z IG N

 

**pink:** EXCUSE YALL

 

**berry:** _CHLOE I CANT LOVE YOU ANYMORE_

 

**jakey d:** THEY GET EVEN MUSHIER AFTER A WEEK CHLOE HOW C O ULD YOU

 

**heere is a special bi:** okay but

 

**heere is a special bi:** peas are

 

**heere is a special bi:** not good

 

**pink:** YEP

 

**heere is a special bi:** they do not,,,,

 

**heere is a special bi:** taste?? good????

 

**heere is a special bi:** lsnLKDNALSDN

 

**heere is a special bi:** _if you like brussels sprouts you can leave this fucking chat right now_

 

**pink:** BRUSSELS SPROUTS ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** THEYRE SO B A D WTF

 

**heere is a special bi:** YES EXACTLY

 

**mello:** THEY FUCKIN SUCK

 

**jakey d:** LIKE WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE. WHO DECIDED THEY WERE A GOOD FOOD

 

**richie rich:** NO!!!! I DONT WANT THESE BAD LITTLE SPINACH MONSTERS IN MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM

 

**heere is a special bi:** WHO TOOK THESE RAW, BITTER ASS MINI WANNABE CABBAGES AND DECIDED TO STEAM THEM

 

**pink:** WHOMST THE FUCK

 

**mello:** i refuse to bring up pineapple on pizza because i dont want to ruin a bunch of friendships today

 

**berry:** back the fuck up before ya get smacked the fuck up

 

**richie rich:** coleslaw is another Disgusting™ food

 

**jakey d:** YES

 

**mello:** solid choice on the coleslaw

 

**heere is a special bi:** understandable, have a nice day


	21. hewwo owo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hewwo owo

**mello:** hewwo owo

 

 **heere is a special bi:** hewwo owo??

 

 **pink:** hewwo owo.

 

 **berry:** hewwo owo!!

 

 **richie rich:** HEWWO OWO

 

 **jakey d:** _hewwo o w o_

 

 **Christine:**  hewwo?? oWO???? H E W W O?!

 

 **rolan on the floor laughin:** what the fuck


	22. ű̎̈́ͨ̓̆҉n̢̂ͫ̊͐͐̂ͪ͗͠sͬ̿͋̇͌͑̈̆҉ő̵̋̃̇l̨̧̈́̾̋̄ͬv̚͠͝ẻ̢ͯ͊ͦ́͐ͫ̅͏̕d̸̡̾͆̈͛ͣͬ

 

**heere is a special bi:** guys im yallin

 

**heere is a special bi:** *YELLIN

 

**pink:** YALLIN

 

**mello:** (southern belle voice) BLESS YOUR HEART

 

**jakey d:** OH MR MELL, MY POOR SOUTHERN HEART COULD NEVER LET ME DO SUCH A THING

 

**richie rich:** YEEHAW RICHARD GO _RANCH_ SKI IS MY NAME AND DITCH BURNING AND HORSE WRANGLING ARE THE GAME

 

**berry:** IM FIXIN TA RIDE INTO TOWN ON FRIDEE, ANY OF YALL WANNA COME 'LONG?

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** YES MA'AM I SURE WOULD, I BEEN NEEDIN SOME ROPE FOR KEEPIN THE GATES CLOSED WHEN I GO COW TIPPIN

 

**Christine:** YAINT SEEN MY FAVORITE PAIR A BOOTS ROUND ERE HAVE YA

 

**jakey d:** WISH I COULD HELP YA THERE LIL MISSY BUT I GOT TA HEAD OVER YONDER WITH JENNA AND BROOKE TO FETCH ME A NEW SADDLE FOR MY HORSE

 

**pink:** 'S ALL RIGHT THERE CHRISSIE, A BIG STRONG MAN LIKE JAKE AINT ABLE TO HELP YA SO I GUESS LITTLE OL ME WILL HAVE TO DO

 

**heere is a special bi:** what the fuck

 

**mello:** YOU DID THIS

 

**mello:** ITS YOUR FAULT

 

**heere is a special bi:** I CAN SEE THAT

 

**heere is a special bi:** THIS IS TERRIFYING

 

**pink:** THE SOUTH IS TERRIFYING, I HAVE FAMILY THERE AND I DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THEY MEAN HALF THE TIME

 

**berry:** I CAN CONFIRM THIS TO BE TRUE

 

**Christine:** that one uncle of mine grew up in the south

 

**Christine:** the one jeremy obliterated

 

**mello:** HEY SPEAKING OF OBLITERATED!

 

**mello:** i heard this really spooky story about an abandoned mine not too far away from here, does anyone wanna go check it out with me?? buzzfeed unsolved style???

 

**richie rich:** _ME ME M EM EM ME M EMEM ME I DO PICK ME_

**mello:** LMAO GOTCHA

 

**mello:** anyone else??

 

**jakey d:** hard pass

 

**heere is a special bi:** ^^^^^^^

 

**pink:** i have plans with brooke

 

**berry:** :DDDD

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** i have family here for the next couple weeks, reunion and all that

 

**Christine:** i'd be way too scared!! sorry!

 

**mello:** its ok!

 

**mello:**  so its me and rich, my boi

 

**richie rich:** it me, your boi

 

**mello:** hey ghouls the boys are on their way

 

**richie rich:** when are we leaving?

 

**mello:** we can leave rn if you want to

 

**richie rich:** ABSOLUTELY

 

**mello:**  OKALNSDLVNA

 

**Christine:** give us updates about the spooky ghosts you find!! have fun!

 

\---

 

**mello:** so

 

**mello:** we here

 

**richie rich:** yeah its p spooky

 

**mello:** how are yall doin not on this fun adventure?

 

\---

 

**mello:** uhhhh guys

 

\---

 

_[Audio transcript: Christine >>> heere is a special bi]_

_[Christine:] Hey, I'm starting to get really worried about Rich and Michael. They haven't said anything to the group chat in a while._

_[heere is a special bi:] I wouldn't worry about them, Christine, Michael practically lives off of urban legends and conspiracy theories. He probably just forgot to check the group chat because he was too into whatever was going on._

_[Christine:] Are you sure?_

_[heere is a special bi:] I trust them. It's not like they're never coming back or anything. We can just ask them when they **do**  get back home!_

_[Christine:] Okay..._

 

**\---**

**richie rich:** what the fuck stop pranking us

 

**mello:** im starting to get vvvv scared whtat he fuck

 

**\---**

**richie rich:** FR ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE

 

\---

 

_[Audio transcript: Christine >>> jakey d]_

_[Christine:] Jake! I'm really worried about Michael and Rich. Jeremy says not to worry but I can't help but feel like something bad is happening over there. We don't even know where they went so we can't exactly investigate so I really just need some reassurance here or tell me they'll be fine and to stop worrying I don't know just do somethi--_

_[jakey d:] Christine, calm down. If you're worried that they'll die, I'm pretty sure ghosts aren't strong enough to kill people, for one thing. And have you tried calling either of them? I'm sure they would pick up if you called--_

_[Christine:] That's another part of the problem! I've called both of them at least ten times each but I always go to voice mail!_

_[jakey d:] Weird. Maybe they're pranking us?_

_[Christine:] I sure hope not. I just really need them to come back safe._

_[jakey d:] Me too, Christine._

 

\---

 

**mello:** WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

**richie rich:** I DONT KNOW

 

**\---**

**mello:** LITERALLY ANYONE RESPOND THAT ISNT RICH OR IM GONNA FUCKING LOSE IT

 

\---

 

_[Audio transcript: heere is a special bi >>> Christine]_

_[heere is a special bi:] Okay, maybe you're right._

_[Christine:] What makes you say so?_

_[heere is a special bi:] It's been way longer than I thought. I expected **something**  by now, you know? Like Michael updating his Snapchat story or Rich posting on Instagram, but nothing is happening. It's like they disappeared off the face of the earth!_

_[Christine:] Oh god, don't put it like that, you aren't helping me._

_[heere is a special bi:] I'm not exactly helping myself either, here!_

\---

 

**mello:** guys. guys for real this time. im not fucking around

 

**richie rich:** michael i dont think theyre pranking us anymroe

 

**mello:** neithe rdo i

 

**richie rich:** why the fuck did we think this was a good idea

 

**mello:** i dont knwo

 

\---

 

_[Audio transcript: pink >>> Christine]_

_[pink:] Hey, you heard anything back yet?_

_[Christine:] No, not yet! I'm so worried, Chloe! What if they died or got into some horrible accident?_

_[pink:] I would hope we would have heard something about an accident on the news or something by now._

_[Christine:] Jeremy says Michael hasn't been posting anywhere and neither has Rich. What if something bad happened to them?_

_[pink:] Don't make me think about that, Christine. You sound scared enough without my input. Do you think they might just be trying to scare us?_

_[Christine:] I already considered that but I don't think they would do something like that, especially not Michael. When I talked to Jake, he was starting to get worried too. What's going on?_

_[pink:] I have no idea._

\---

 

**richie rich:** IM STARTING TO THINK TALKING HERE IS USELESS RN IF NO ONE'S SEEING WHAT WE'RE SAYING ANYWAY

 

**mello:** MY PHONE CALLS WONT GO THROUGH EITHER BUT IT SAYS I HAVE FULL BARS

 

**richie rich:** YEAH SAME

 

**mello:** WHA THEH FUCKKKK

 

**richie rich:** I THINK IT'S TIME TO LEAVE

 

**mello:** YEAH THIS SUCKED I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN, 0/10 STARS ON YELP

 

**richie rich:** NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES

 

**mello:** SORRY

 

\---

 

**mello:** CAN YALL FUCKIN SEE OUR MESSAGES NOW

 

**Christine:** OH MY GOD MICHAEL

 

**mello:** THANK JESUS

 

**richie rich:** HOYLS HIT

 

**heere is a special bi:** DONT YOU DARE FUCKING SCARE ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN YOU ASSHOLES

 

**jakey d:** YALL ARE ALIVE!!!!!!

 

**pink:** listen,,, i was starting to get worried too

 

**berry:** OH YM GOD IM GONNA CRY RN

 

**rolan on the floor laughin:** THE FUCK DID YALL DO

 

**mello:** WE WERE GOING GHOST HUNTING BUT WE DIDNT FIND ANYTHING BECAUSE WE COULDNT TALK TO YOU GUYS

 

**richie rich:** OUR PHONES SAID WE HAD FULL BARS

 

**mello:** CALLS WEREN'T GOING THROUGH AND APPARENTLY MESSAGES THAT SAID THEY WERE SENT WERE INVISIBLE TOO

 

**richie rich:** IM NEVER GONNA DO THIS AGAIN ALSDOVKASNVLN

 

**mello:** LASKNDVLAKSDN SAME

 

**Christine:** at least you're here now!!

 

**mello:** yeah! and we'll always have this group chat to talk in from now on, ȓ̴͙̙͔̻͚̙͚̠̦̽̑͑̽ͅï̶͉̮͉͕̳͇͉͙̈́̅̓͘ͅğ̶̠̖̟̯̰͐͆͛̅͞ͅȟ̬͇̰̣̜͚̥̔̔̓͌͂͝͞͞͞ṯ̸̩̖͓̖̳͕̈́̏̅̃̾̓̆̈́̕͝?̟̪̣̜̤͚̘͚̥̌̓̀̔̃̂̎̚

 

\---

 

**mello:**  ǔ̸̘͓̫̭͕̆͑͑͘͡͠ĥ̰͔̭̜͚̙͗͒͋̿̐͠h̶͍̺̹̭̼̓̍͑̆͆̽̔̍̓ḧ̴̤͕̳̼̋͐͗̅̋̄̏̈͐͜h̶̛̛̜̗̳̹̘̲̬̄̎͒̓̓͢͞͞h̵̻̰͇̤͖̹̅̓̂̀̕ g̸͚̠̺̯̙̒͂͋̓̍̏͗͑͞ū̴̧̼͕̹̝̳̻͓̪̂̈́̾̍̓͂y̴̧̘̦͙̝͑̓́̀̚s̵͈̱͉͉̠̩̭̬̈́͌͂̏̎͟

 

**mello:** r̴̡̙̰͍͉̟͕͔͚͈̍͂͗̀͊̎͆͘͝͝ ǐ̮̫͈̥̲̈́͋͌͛̌̕͜ ḡ̴̹̣͕̠̙̼̬̩̇̽̋̆͗̓ ḩ̸͖̯͖̩̣͙͓̩̟̈́̽͂̾̽̋̅̚͞ ṯ̴̗̙̜̫̊̊̓͂̌ ?̨̛̙͕͓̳̻͊̐̅̾͛͑͑̀̕

 

**\---**

**mello:** W̨̧̛͎̳͇̯͇͍̾͂͒̆̋̋͘͟H̥̙̲͎̬̓̑̃̂͗̉͒͘͠͝A̛͚̫̺̹͔̓̑͒͗̔̏̿̕͢ͅͅT̷̙̦̯̣̹̱͛̒̆͛͒͜ͅ T̷̯͔̬̪͔͖͆̈́̌͗̔͘̕H̴̨̠̪̘̘̣̹̱̔̄͑͑̏͊͟͝͞Ë̢͎̼̦͉̩́͗̾̋̈̈̉͗͘ F̵͈̪͔̭̖̫̯̑̋́͒͂̈́͋̚͠ͅU̠͇̦͕͋̎̌̈͐͌̃͒̚͟͠K̴̢̪̭̄͗̎́̇̀͢͢͠C̸̢̣̻̰̱̹̈́́̽̔̽̈́͆̋͘͜


End file.
